Humor Magazine

The Dread Second Law - Proved Again - by Me!

By Davidduff

For those non-swots, like me, whose brains shrivel at even a hint of high-brow science, allow me to explain, almost certainly incorrectly but what the hell!, that my title refers to the Second Law of Thermodynamics which states, er, very roughly, that it doesn't matter a fig who or what you believe in, the only winner (if that is quite the word in the circs) in this whole bloody existential cosmos-thingie will be, yes, you guessed, the Second Law of Thermodynamics.  You see, in any closed system it is vital to inject energy into it otherwise everything just gets colder and slower until in the end everything just stops!  This injection of energy comes in via the medium of 'work' which, of course, requires energy.  But as energy is constantly leaking its heat to ever-increasing cold then you can see the truth in dear old Keynes' melancholy prognostication that 'in the long run we're all dead'!  Yes, thanks for that, Maynard, old chap, 'it was being so cheerful as kept you so young', I suppose.  Anyway, we all know that our own bodies are kept going by injections of energy mostly via food but we also realise, but try to ignore the fact, that in the end our body system decays faster than we can energise it - and we end up cold, as in dead cold!  And, that, according to the swots, is the fate that awaits the entire universe. 

I had the proof of it today.  You see, when the 'Memsahib' came out of hospital and required non-stop care and attention whilst I ran Chateaux Duff single-handed, I threw myself into it with terrific energy which lasted, I dunno, two or three days but, dammit, I couldn't keep it going, not just because I'm an idle, layabout husband used to being waited on hand and foot, although there is an element of truth in that, but because it's all SO BLOODY BORING! Concentrating on exactly which vegetables we need for supper in three days time is the mental equivalent of reading Karl Marx.  One's mind does not so much freeze up as skitter about madly trying to think of something, anything, that would break the eye-stabbing tediousness of deciding between leeks or cabbage!  I even began to listen to endless reports on the Scottish referendum because, on the whole and taken in the round, it was fractionally more interesting!

Well, you can guess the rest.  Let me just put it this way, the injection of energy into Chateaux Duff fell off after the first burst of enthusiasm and consequently, and in accordance with the Second Law, the amount of chaos increased exponentially and by this morning it looked as though everything was grinding to a halt.  Galvanised, I have spent the entire day 'injecting energy by means of work' here, there and everywhere.  I will not list all the tasks that I have accomplished today, suffice to say that I would have cleaned those Augean stables twice as fast as that Hercules bloke!

Anyway, as you have probably already realised this is the longest, waffliest load of old blx pretending to be an excuse for not having posted anything on theblog today.  Sorry and all that but I'm knacked and I'm off to bed.


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