HURTS.
Four freaking months in. Probably 5 months since it actually happened. How much longer could this fucking thing keep me down?
Today was a prime example. I have had this thought that maybe I could get my training brain back on in a different gear. Maybe I could go back to cycling like I was when I was first diagnosed. Maybe I could at least train at a slow speed to do a bike race. My brain was lit up with the possibilities. It wouldn't be running, but it would be something. Something to help me as a stress release and let me claw my way back onto the wagon.
I headed down to the gym at work with a friend. I set myself up with a short show on netflix and reined myself in...I was going to do this slow and not push myself. It was rehab - not cardio.
Yeah - it didn't last long. My left ankle is stiff...and my shin just couldn't handle the pedalling. I kept going for 15 minutes...just 3 miles...and had to call it quits. My shin killed. and my hopes at a cycling revolution were dashed...for now.
I am having a bit of luck with some kettlebell swinging. It doesn't hurt (well, aside from the DOMS) and at least I am doing something.
I wish that wagon would slow down. At least dangle a carrot in front of me so I can keep moving. Unfortunately, the carrots all seem pretty rotten right now. And I am so sad to not be moving. I really hope the wagon doesn't get too far ahead of me because I am not relishing the idea of starting over if I ever heal.
Does anyone know of a way I can move that will leave my lower body out of the equation? Please do share. I'm so tired of being stationary.
