Now then, you 'Kippers', I did make myself perfectly clear in my pre-by-election orders that you were to achieve a minimum 8% lead over the Tories at Rochester & Strood. You only just made 7% which, frankly, the Monster Raving Loonie Party would have achieved in its heyday! The result is a collective sigh of relief from 'Dim Dave' and his OE cabal because they reckon that from now on it's all downhill for you 'Kippers' who have been consigned to that over-crowded mortuary of protest movements that lived, breathed for two seconds and then died! You certainly haven't frightened Dave into committing to a harder line on Europe, so I'm afraid that you are hereby dismissed without a character!
Even so, it's an ill wind that fails to gently swing the 'Cleggeron' as he dangles by the neck at the end of his political rope, next to the 'corpse' of the 'Milipede' which has been hanging there for some time! The 'il-Lib-non-Dem' vote was reduced from just over 16% to under 1% - or to be exact, just 349 votes. Oh dear, what a pity, never mind! Of course, to an old sadist like me the pleasure of watching not one but two detestable politicians slowly decomposing is simply exquisite.
From now on until the election in May it's Dave's to lose. I know it's against his personal grain but he needs to indicate a more stringent attitude to Europe even if, and he probably will, he rats us out at the end. Anyway, cheerio, you 'Kippers', don't think it hasn't been fun and we shall miss 'our Nige'!
