Health Magazine

Shouldn't I Be Happy?

Posted on the 08 January 2012 by Hippofatamus @hippofatamus
I can't sleep. I feel ashamed of myself. I'm hurting emotionally and I have no reason to be.
I know that the fact that I am cancer free is still fresh news, but I think I should feel happy. But I don't. I feel everything but happy. I feel sad, scared, depressed, anxious, and angry. Everything BUT happy. 
WTF is wrong with me? Am I broken? Who finds out their battle with cancer is finally over and spends 4 solid days crying? Me. Why? No idea.
I have kept this emotional upheaval a secret from everyone but then my mom called me and I completely fell apart on the phone. Granted there were other factors involved that had me feeling a bit emotional, but for the most part it was all over my confusion from being cancer free. I bawled while I talked to my mom, and she didn't sound the least bit surprised that I was feeling this way. She was very kind and supportive of me, explaining that it was going to take time to sink in. 
All I know is I feel horrible for not being anything but happy. I'll talk to my therapist about it and see if I'm normal or not. 
The honest truth is that I just don't know what to do now. How do I move forward? Cancer has consumed my life, my calendar, my medicine cabinet and so much more, and now it's just gone. So what now?

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

Magazine