Humor Magazine

"Should Have Gone to Specsavers" #1

By Davidduff

First of all, apologies for my absence yesterday, the phrase 'I have lunched not wisely but too well' gave you a clue and the sad fact is that for the rest of the day a strange lethargy came over me such that it was as much as I could do to operate the 'do-flicker-thingie' on the telly in order to leave the first episode of 'Hannibal' at the first commercial break for two very good reasons.  First, it is total tosh, opening as it did with one of those 'fight-ballets' in which the sfx chaps feed in all sort of grunts and grunches as fist and boots wallop into flesh and bone but which always end up without so much as a bloody nose from any of the parties concerned.  The fact that this crash-bang-wallop stuff goes on for ever when it is quite obvious that even just one of those blows would fell any man is all just too, too, tedious! 

However, even more distressing than that load of old cods was Hannibal's suit!  My dears, you have never seen anything so hideous.  An ill-fitting, three-piece, checked suit worn with a striped shirt and a flowery tie!  My God that man is in urgent need of a good tailor because his taste in clothes is as appalling as his taste in, er, meat!

I then watched the first - non-scoring - half of City versus Aston Villa before, with heroic effort, I switched over to watch Jack Bauer in episode one of 24 set in London.  Needless to say, there were four goals scored in the second half whilst I, overcome with the stress of having changed channels, slumped in my armchair and watched as ten tons of utter tripe poured out of my TV.  The Old Bill should round up the lot of 'em, including Jack Bauer who looks a lot closer to his pension these days, and lock 'em up in the Tower.  Mind you, you have to hand it to the actors, how they keep straight faces I do not know.

I seem to have wandered from my main point - sorry did you say something? - which is indicated in my title "Should have gone to Specsavers".  My foreign readers should follow this link to understand the point.  Anyway, I was reminded of it by a story reported yesterday in The Mail concerning a couple who had sex on the lawn outside a chapel whilst a wedding was taking place.  So far, so unremarkable, in this day and age although the, er, range of sexual interactions was, shall we say, highly imaginative - do not read the details before breakfast!  Anyway, mildly titillated, which is about as much as I can manage these days, I read on but then I reached the photographs of these two sexual athletes:


The one and only possible re-action was instantaneous:

They should have gone to Specsavers!


Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog