Humor Magazine

Should Ed Hunting Be Banned?

By Davidduff

I ask because fox hunting has been deemed a cruel sport but it's a doddle compared to Ed hunting.  I have just finished watching the last Prime Minister's Question Time for this session and I am thinking of joining the RSPCE - the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ed!  A couple of weeks ago at the height of the Labour party/UNITE imbroglio Cameron did his Old Etonian version of Harry Flashman and beat up poor little Ed until he looked like a couple of pounds of mincemeat. One almost wept!  Today, however, Dave the Bully had no need of fisticuffs, several superior swipes were sufficient to wipe the floor with poor little Ed and the pathetic band of 'bruvvers' he had behind him.  By and large, 'wimmin' aren't very good at politics and it was silly of them to ride into action against Dave the Bully waving their pathetic little questions provided for them by their own Whips because they're too stupid to think up any for themselves.  One by one, Dave simply looked up how much dosh was being shovelled their way by the UNITE union and one by one they emulated the Argentinian ship Belgrano as they sank back down onto their benches gurgling quietly.

I have been struck recently by the peculiar habit of American politicians in having large groups of people standing around and behind them when they are belching forth some supposedly important pronouncement.  These people are nearly always intensely ugly and what their purpose is in being there remains a mystery to me.  I was reminded of this by today's Question Time in which poor little Ed is forced each and every week to have 'Harry Harperson' sitting to his left and 'Ed Ballsup' on his right.  These two deeply unpleasant political nutters can only increase Dave's vote as week by week we, the electors, are reminded who pulls 'Miniband's strings.

Of course, it's possible that the GBP (Great British Public), being as soppily sentimental as it is and forever looking for hopeless losers (like the England 'footie' team) to support, might actually give Ed the sympathy vote and turn against 'Flashman' Cameron.  Indeed, that may be the reason for Dave's cooler approach today.  Also, one wonders - one hopes? - that perhaps Dave is actually learning on the job.  There have been one or two indications recently of a somewhat more pragmatic approach as he gradually realises how daft some of his earlier proposals were.  It will be tricky for him to backtrack on some of them but as I learned in the car trade, you couldn't trust those Old Etonion ex-public schoolboys who flogged second-hand Bentleys and Rollers as far as you could piss into a gale!

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