Baseball Magazine

Report: Disgusted Valentine Found Francona Tobacco Wads Stuck Under His Desk

By Callofthegreenmonster @cotgm

Tobacco
The images are forever etched in the minds of Red Sox fans. For eight years we watched Terry Francona in the dugout, stuffing his mouth with all kinds of sickening concoctions of tobacco, seeds, bubble gum, and Lord knows what else.  Those days are gone now, but unfortunately traces of the past evidently remain.

Call of the Green Monster has learned that Bobby Valentine has been overwhelmed by the number of previously chewed tobacco wads Francona left behind from his days as manager. "So I'm going to my office for the first time right after I got hired," said Sox manager Bobby Valentine. "I sit down, and tuck myself in under the desk and get to work.  When I pull away, I've got these disgusting brown lumps stuck to my pants. He stuck them under his desk.  I nearly threw up!"

An embarrassed Larry Lucchino apologized profusely to Valentine, and explained that they were leftovers from Francona's tenure. "We hired industrial strength cleaning machines and some of the best chiselers in the state, but evidently they didn't get all of the eight years worth of Francona's leave behinds. Such a lovely habit, chewing tobacco."

"What kind of man does this?" asked the prim and proper manager. "Can't you just throw the used wad in the wastebasket like a normal human being? Even now, I go out to the dugout and there are wads stucks under the bench, the bat rack, everywhere! What's the matter with that guy?"

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