Whiteness came into view. Everywhere he looked, there was only white and nothing but white. A feeling of uneasiness clenched his throat as he tried to get up and make a sound. That was when he felt a hand grip his shoulder lightly which helped him sit up straight. His vision was now blurring from blank whiteness to clarity. Smell of sterile equipment, overpowering perfume, sweat and antiseptic filled his nostrils as he began to look around and realize where he was. The walls were faded with streaks where it had been cleaned over time again and again. The floor was ditto with checked linoleum. There was plenty of space to move about however, non that seemed to be comfortable. The place was noisy, overfilled with chatter of people and dragging trolleys. He was in a hospital. A wave of somnolence got control of his body and he wanted to lie down. He felt the grip on his shoulder tighten and that’s when he first looked at the nurse standing next to him. She had long silky blond hair and bright blue eyes, framed by long lashes, which were shimmering in the sunlight. A straight nose and full lips, tall and slim hipped- she seemed a picture of perfection. She was smiling at him, a smile that showed relief but masked deep fears. Her name was Ayesha, as displayed on her name tag.‘Sir, how are you feeling now?’He stared her with a blank expression and then spoke with a voice that had not been in ages, ‘Uh.. I am fi….’ And the voice faded out.‘Can u tell us of someone we can refer to who can help us take care of you, anyone you would like us to call for u?’He returned her a blank expression and then said ‘I don’t know..’‘Can you provide us with your name?’He looked at her with an alarming expression, eyes widened face dropped open ‘I don’t know? Don’t you..??’The girl dropped her head and her shoulder whimpered for a second as if she was in utter disbelief. After five seconds that seemed to be the longest of his life she looked up and spoke up ‘Sir, your name is “Ali Ahmed”. You came around a month ago to us with a severe wound on your head. You were unconscious and had lost a lot of blood. You remained in comma for around 25-28 days. At this moment you’re in Shifa International Hospital, Islamabad. Right now you’re suffering from Post Traumatic, Retrograde Amnesia!’He knew she was waiting for some response. But he didn’t know how to respond to all this. My name is Ali Ahmed. Ali Ahmed. He squinted hard trying to remember the memory from his unknown past and a pain shot up to his head. He grabbed his head with both hands and applied pressure as if he were trying to suppress the agony.The nurse put her hand on her shoulders to calm him ‘don’t worry sir everything will be alright, we’ll take care of you’ and like that Ali shut his eyes and went for a nap. To live in a world where no one knows you, where you yourself don’t know you. To live with a constant reminder that you’re current life is a fabricated version of the original. It wasn’t easy. For Ali it was a journey, a journey of desolation and alienation. A steady step just wouldn’t do. The life around him was just a routine of noise and pain. Every now and then, Ali felt as if he was drowning. The lantern of hope was now out. Ali remained hospitalized for two months. Not because his injuries hadn’t healed but because he along with the hospital staff was working on retrieving his memory. The person who had brought him in the hospital, Omer, was a young chap who had witnessed the event. His narration was that Ali was crossing the road when he was hit by a car. The car sped away so Omer brought him here. Ali was also seeing a psychiatrist who was helping him uncover his past but up until now there was no success. He had his wallet with him which just had some cash. This had led Ali down a path of mystery. It was hard to believe that he had no Identification card or financing cards in his wallet. Everyone he asked was blank on this matter. During this two month period his relationship with the nurse, Ayesha, had flourished. She had taken allot of care of him. Once they were sitting in the hospital’s café. Ali wasn’t very talkative that day. After a few minutes of awkward silence he blurted, ‘do you hate someone in your life?’ Ayesha stared him for a small while ‘I don’t think I hate anyone.’‘What if you dislike a person, that’s natural for a human know?’‘Okay yeah, I do, where are you getting with this Ali?’‘What if he was really sick, critical condition. Would you go and see him?’‘Yes of course…’‘I don’t know how bad a person I was, I am. I don’t know anything. I may have hurt a lot of people. But No one?!’She remained silent.‘What about mother and son? Isn’t that a blood bond? My siblings, family members? No one came? Was I that abhorrent? Was I that... loathsome?' She stared him for a few second and then got up and leaned for a kiss. A few seconds of intimacy; seconds that Ali wished lasted longer. Then she broke apart ‘don’t torture yourself’’ then another quick kiss and she left for her duty.Ali was finally out of the hospital. And he was finally accepting his name to be ‘Ali’. He still was aloof with his old memories but he had now accepted his new life. He was walking to his new apartment that Ayesha had booked for him, near her house so she can take care of him and be with him. He was waiting along with the other pedestrians to cross the road. He had to take one turn and then the apartment. Adjacent of his turn was another turn which lead into a street. The street was full of small one story houses with front gardens and a car park. There was something memorable about this street, especially the first house on the left. But Ali didn’t quite notice, he was busy thinking of how to make one night special for Ayesha. The light was now red and all the pedestrians were hurriedly crossing the road. Ali had given it a lot of thought and was now thinking to move her relation with Ayesha to the next possible level. ‘I don’t have any relative or family that I know which has reveled themselves to me, and I’ll be alone all the time’ he thought. The gate of the house was open and a ball bounced out. The ball had blue, yellow and red strips. ‘Maybe I could make a proposal in my apartment. Lights will be out and the only illumination that would be present would be off heart shaped candles floating in small bowls of water, half full’. A small young girl went running after the ball. Blond and plump, golden locks and eyes that sparkled blue from a distance. For an instance everything around Ali felt his surroundings freeze. He saw his entire life flash in front of him as the baby girl turned and started to move in. He looked at his hands and then everything around him. He looked one last time at the child and spoke out ‘Amna’. Then he looked back to his hands and thought of his beloved wife, Ayesha.There was a loud screech and a thud.Everything in his view spun and went out of balance for the briefest of moments and then the black gate and a kid approaching it. There was pain at start but then numbness took over. He could still see Amna going inside. His view was blurring. Blurring into darkness as everything around him started to dim. He thought of Ayesha as the darkness became abundant. Everywhere he looked there was only black and nothing but black.
