Please Believe Me . . .

A lot changed in the next 60 days.  I remained sober for the whole time I was on the alcohol monitor.  It was my first time being sober that long since the first time I drank.  I didn't find it that difficult to not drink for that long simply because I knew that if I did, I would be in more trouble.  I was in enough trouble, and I didn't want to voluntarily put myself in more.  During the 60 days, I ended up moving back into my apartment because I found a full-time job doing light-industrial work.  The job was about 30 minutes from my apartment.  I was able to get a land-line installed in my apartment and probation worked around my work schedule for my alcohol monitor testing times.  Even though I was making less than half of what I was making at my previous job, I went in and did the best job that I could.  I started going to A.A. meetings near my apartment but really didn't say much, just listened.

Ended up costing me $100.00

My reputation wasn't improving.

I did mess up one time while on the alcohol monitor.  I had used some mouthwash one morning right after brushing my teeth because I had forgotten that I couldn't use mouthwash while being on the monitor.  Certain mouthwashes have alcohol in them and that will show up as a violation on the test.  As soon as I put the mouthwash in my mouth, I just got this funny feeling like something was wrong.  Then it hit me that using mouthwash could potentially violate my probation and spit it out.  I was so mad at myself for forgetting.  The mouthwash I was using was pretty light - not like one of those super strong ones that leave a Listerine taste in your mouth for 20 minutes afterwards - so I decided to still test on the alcohol monitor before I left for work.  I really didn't think it would even show up.  Later on when I was at work, an officer from the alcohol monitor department called my cell phone and said that I blew positive for alcohol and could be arrested for violating my probation.  Eventually, they said I just had to pay $100.00 for violating, but the bad thing about the whole situation was that when I told some of my family what happened, they didn't even believe me!  They actually thought I was lying to them because I had been such a liar in the past when it came to my drinking and it was obvious that I had a serious problem with alcohol and still didn't want to admit to it.  That hurt more than anything.  That hurt more than having to pay the money for simply wanting to maximize my personal hygiene and forgetting for a short time frame that I was still subjected to an alcohol monitor.  It hurt because my family didn't even trust me to be honest anymore.  Based on my encounters with alcohol, it was now to the point where even when I told the truth, people thought I was lying.