The bridal shower is said to have started a few centuries ago with a poor yet beautiful girl in Holland whose father had betrothed her to a prosperous pig farmer. Her father, miser that he was, refused to give her a dowry if she married the honorable but penniless miller she was in love with. Although the community wasn’t exactly loaded, people were so touched by the couple’s obvious love for each other that they took matters into their own hands. They “showered” the bride with small, useful gifts, adding up to even more than her dowry would have been, so that she and her beloved could many and set up house.
The bridal shower today has evolved from this endearing anecdote into a dreaded social obligation. For most women we know, shower invitations bring to mind not an exhilarating time of female bonding but a boring afternoon of unmitigated hokum. Your shower doesn’t have to be a dud. Assuming that you can be perfectly honest with your maid of honor, you may suggest these alternative showers:
• Jack & Jill: Make the shower co-ed and centered around a group activity such as beach volleyball, softball, or touch football, followed by a cook-out.
• Moveable feast: The host rents a minivan to take everyone to a different restaurant for each course of a progressive dinner. Presents are sent ahead of time to your last stop, where the opening of the gifts is the finale.
• It’s showtime: Everyone chips in for a block of theater or concert tickets. After the show, you all descend on your favorite pub or coffee bar for a critique and dessert.
Unless a surprise shower appeals to you, make it clear from the outset that you are not being coy — you really prefer not to be surprised. After the hostess tells you of her plans, be as helpful as possible, supplying a typed guest list with correct names, addresses, and phone numbers. If you are going to be “showered” more than once, cross-check the lists so the same people aren’t invited and consequently not overburdened with buying too many gifts. You may also want to create a separate registry for your shower, as close friends often like to give brides highly personal gifts such as lingerie, books, music, and so on.
Unlike engagement parties, showers do call for gifts, so invitations should go only to people who are invited to the wedding. The exception is when people from your work, school, club, or other part of your life throw a shower. In these cases, the groom may also be the guest of honor. In fact, many women who boycott girls-only showers are happy to attend co-ed ones.
