Humor Magazine

"Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave . . ."

By Davidduff

'. . .when first we practice to devolve'!

So the 'fat wee chancer', the utterly malignant Alec Salmond, has departed and good riddance, say I.  Even so, having unpinned and tossed his grenade into the crowded UK room he leaves behind his unlovely legacy of political body parts and wrecked furniture strewn all over the place.  At this point, enter the three emergency services men, or, The Three Stooges, as I prefer to think of them:

  Nick Cameron         David Miliband  Ed Clegg

I may have confused the names because frankly it's difficult to tell them apart. Certainly when it comes to intellectual ability, or even just basic commonsense, none of them stands out.  Now that I think about it, perhaps my analogy concerning Salmond's tossed hand-grenade was not quite accurate.  A better metaphor is that the 'fat wee chancer' simply removed the pin and then handed it to The Three Stooges before making his rapid exit.  Now they are left tossing it around to each other whilst trying to find a way out for themselves.

Still, as I have remarked before, it's an ill wind that fails to blow the top off a tall building and squish a politician below thus giving us all a laugh, so for perhaps the first time in my life I am actually looking forward to the party conference season, particularly the Tory's.  As it happens, 'Dim Dave' and his 2.85 brain cells has the easiest role to play.  Quick as a flash he has already handed the grenade over to William Hague to deal with and nobody does a safe-as-'ouses, bluff, 'Yorkie' accent better than him which should take some of the fizz out of the situation.  Then Dave can suddenly rediscover his English roots and do a sort of pale Salmond as he purses his little lips and promises that only English MPs will vote on English laws - so that will be one in the eye for that chancer, Nigel Farage!

'The Milipede' is already running around in circles like Cpl. Jones, shouting to his party not to panic - whilst he panics!  As is well-known, without his 40+ Jock Labour MPs he has no chance of a majority in an English parliament but if he resists the obvious quid pro quo, given that English MPs will not be able to vote on Scottish affairs, that will go down like a shit sandwich with the English electorate at the next election.  As for the 'Cleggeron', well he and his entire party will return to the place from whence they never should have departed - ineffectual obscurity!

Whatever happens it's going to be an unholy mess and I have virtually no confidence that The Three Stooges are capable of steering us through it.  That is why the other day I expressed my hope that the Jocks would vote for independence and just bugger off and leave us alone.  Now, we have the worst of all possible worlds.

Er, have a nice day!


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