Another updateIt's strange to think that I used to blog every single day Without failAnd given that I had no life to speak ofI don't know what I had to write about But as you know EDs are all consuming You eat or not eat, sleep and breathe it It's everything and yet it's nothing It seems to be the only important thing But when you take a step back You can see it for the life sucking, draining vacuum that it isI don't preach And I don't tell people what to do recovery wiseI know everyone has to live their own life And let their own story happen Heck I was well in to my thirties when I finally began to recover I was lucky I had the combination of great support and an unwillingness to wither away the way I was I have to confess though I don't read any ED blogs any more I can'tIt's too upsetting It's too triggering I've had to take that step away To protect myself I hope you understand But I am in touch with some of you on FBAnd that is so greatThere comes a point when your life is at across roads You get an opportunity to get well I had many And threw away many As you know I spent a long time in and out of hospital and treatment It took me a good few admisssiond to figure out that I do not do well inpatient That's okWe are all individuals And we recover in different ways What works for me may not work for youLook at addiction For the longest time AllI heard was that I had to go to meetings I went to a lot But still wasn't getting itI don't doubt that they work for some But not for me I still practice the same ethos Helping others It in my case animalsAnd that works for meYou just need to find what works for you It's not always obviousIt's trial and errorBut it's worth itEvery Single Time
In other newsI am doing training to start work in the new year But I am undecided as to whether I will actually take the jobI have an urge to go back to finish off my horsemanship courseI feel stronger I think I might be able to do it now But there is something holding me backRecently During horse riding I've been experiencing very low energy and fatigueAnd have been pulled off the horse a few times My instructor tells me I need to figure out what's going onAnd it's killing me that my body is getting in my way of doing what I loveI spoke to my doctor Who did blood workAnd then started me on B12 vitamins and folic acid He also looked at my meds And reviewed the fact that I am on three very sedating medsSo he reduced the mirtazapine from 45mg to 30mgAnd the methadone from 26mls to 24mlsSo hopefully that will make a difference My doctor made the point that I used to need all those meds Way back when I was very unwellBut I'm doing better nowAnd so I guess we need to adjust and reviewIt's good thoughIt's progressMoving in the right directionPart of me would love to stay in my cosy bubbleBut look that's not real lifeUnfortunately
Coco is wellHe is quite the social media star nowAnd has his very own following on various FB groups Winter is coming And I'm hoping he'll make it through without any issues It's almost a year now since we first met And he has come on so much He has gone from being a scared and lonely pony To a happy, cheeky and very social wee fellaHe loves my dogs Especially Lea And follows her every where We did have an incident last weekI had Coco out on the lane And at one point I unclipped his lead rope Usually he follows me But instead he turned on his heel And started trotting up the lane towards the road the monkey I remained calm and called himWalked after him quickly He reached the road and stopped I continued to talk to himAnd thankfully he didn't go any further But Jesus H Christ he gave me a hopThere you go though All in a Pony's days workReally though I have a lovely bond with him nowHe's quite the cheeky monkey now When he doesn't get treats he walks behind me and nudges me with his head Pushing me to give him something He's spoiled rotten bless himMy farrier has offered to take himTo put him on a diet And to start breaking him inThis is exciting news I just hope it happens as I think Coco had so much potential I think he'd make a lovely riding pony How great would they be?To actually ride himThat's the dream right thereI'll leave you with a few photos from the last few weeksTil next time.....
