Humor Magazine

My (half) Scottish(*) Decision is Final, Er, Sort of

By Davidduff

ADDITIONAL:  I have inserted this at the top to catch your eye.  It is yet another example of Ms. Anna Raccoon saying it all so much better, not just better than me but better than most:


Yea, verily, I have dithered over 'the Scottish question' - of which, incidentally, I am now bored nigh unto death - but now I have made my final decision, er, until lunchtime, that is, but then again, by tea time . . . 

The main influence on my decision is that over recent years I have come to the conclusion that I want the "Great" to be taken out of Great Britain!  I use the word 'Great' in the geo-political sense.  We are no longer a truly 'Great' power and our efforts to behave like one are becoming increasingly ludicrous - to say nothing of the expense!  We are coming to resemble one of those old dowagers in Downton Abbey (and, no, I don't watch it!), held together by whalebone corsets, lashings of make-up and bags of hauteur!  Meanwhile our hideously expensive country mansion is falling to bits.  Enough, I say, or, as 'the cousins' say, let's get real!

Let us rid ourselves of unnecessary encumbrances which includes the Jocks, as far as I am concerned.  Being Celts, they have long held a romantic attachment to the chimera that is socialism so let them get on with it and save us the expense.  Meanwhile we must concentrate on doing better at what we do best.  We are still manufacturers and traders and if we can also rid ourselves of the embrace/stranglehold (you choose) of the Berlin-Brussels axis then the globe is there for us to trade in.  Let someone else waste their time and money sitting on the utterly useless UN Security Council.  Let Germany look after - or not - Eastern Europe.  Let the Arabs sort themselves out.  Let America, India and Japan deal with China.  And whilst they're doing all that, we should just concentrate on improving our education sysem, encouraging our traders, helping our high tech industries and thereby making this country quietly prosperous.  If losing all their Scottish seats keeps Labour out of government for a generation then there's our chance.

(*) My title stems from the fact that I am half  Scots on my mother's side.  God knows where my father came from - rumor has it that he might have been Canadian but I do not blame Canada!

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