My alcohol sponsor helped me learn about my condition.
I wish I could say that I stopped drinking the day I admitted I was an alcoholic, but to admit you're an alcoholic and to stop drinking are two totally different things. Yes, I had admitted I was an alcoholic, but that didn't take away from the fact that I still enjoyed and craved the high that alcohol gave me. But as I continued to go to the Sunday meeting, I began to learn more and more about my condition, and as I learned more about my condition, the less I wanted to drink. At the same time, the A.A. group suggested that I get a sponsor. They said it would help me with my sobriety because it would give me access to another alcoholic who found and is maintaining their sobriety by means of A.A., and can teach me how to do the same thing. I obtained a sponsor who had 13 years sober and it helped me out tremendously. He understood what I was going through and was able to teach me what I needed to know about my condition.
What I liked most about the A.A. meetings were that people understood me.
My sponsor also took me to other A.A. meetings around Detroit. After a few weeks, I noticed I was getting more honest with myself and more comfortable sharing at the tables. I had tried to talk to people about my problem with alcohol in the past, but no one understood me. What I liked most about A.A. was that the people there were able to understand me because they had the same condition that I had. Many of them had experienced some of the same things I had experienced. Eventually, I would feel so much better leaving a meeting than what I felt when I walked in because I was able to get a lot of things off my chest, some of which had been bottled up in me since I was a child. As my sponsor taught me, "A problem shared is a problem cut in half," and I noticed my problems being cut in half simply by sharing them with the A.A. group.
Even though I had admitted to being an alcoholic, sometimes I would still have my doubts.
Around this time, I still had a lot of questions for my sponsor. Sometimes, I would even question whether I was really an alcoholic or not. It was easy to say I was at the meetings, but afterwards I slowly began to feel like I could handle it. I talked to him about it and he suggested that I try some controlled drinking. He said I should try drinking a set amount, and if I catch myself drinking more - and not really being able to control it - it should be obvious that I'm an alcoholic. I thought about taking him on his offer until reality set in. But the fact was, I had never been able to control my drinking. Not a day in my life. Whether it was alcohol or beer, whether I was having a good or bad day, I always wanted more. I always wanted to enjoy the high and escape reality a little while longer.This conversation with my sponsor and the knowledge I was obtaining about my alcoholism in A.A. was beginning to lead me to put down the alcohol bottle for good.
Many of the people in A.A. told me a number positive things (quotes, mantras, one-liners) that would prove to become true in my life as I progressed in the program. Some of my personal favorites were, "It gets greater later," "Take it one day at a time," and "Keep coming back, because either you will get the program, or the program with get you." During this time, the members of the A.A. group I attended on Sunday gave me some responsibility at the meeting. Sometimes I made coffee. Other times, I helped set up the tables and chairs. I would also lay out A.A. literature. This was good because it gave me the opportunity to do service work and get more exposure to the program.
The time for change had come. I finally put down the liquor bottle.
It was around the first week of June, 2010, when the program really started getting me. Between the A.A. meetings, having a sponsor and doing service work, my drinking had tapered off from 5 days a week, to 3 days a week, to 1 day a week. I knew that in order for me to truly beat this addiction, I had to let go of alcohol completely. I knew that I couldn't even take as much as one drink because if I did, it would be too hard for me to stop. I had heard the many stories in A.A. of overcoming alcoholism and how a life without alcohol was so much better than a life with it. How the grass was greener on the other side in a sense. I even heard one person go so far as to say that his worst day sober is better than his best day drunk. It made me think about my past and how alcohol had taken away everything I had worked so hard for. I didn't want to re-live any of those horror stories. I would much rather live and experience the new lifestyle that came with living sober. A lifestyle that consisted of not being a slave to alcohol and all the evils that came along with it. I didn't want to wake up with bloodshot eyes wreaking of alcohol anymore. I didn't want to lose anymore jobs due to alcohol. I didn't want to drink and drink or go to jail anymore. Like my sponsor says, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I began to apply my newfound knowledge and take not drinking one day at a time. All I remember after that is looking up and having a week sober! I hadn't had a week sober since I was about 19 and I remember feeling great! I then realized that if I can stop drinking for a week, I can do it for two weeks. Around the same time, a man at an A.A. meeting told me that the days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years.I was looking forward to the weeks turning into months.
