If there is anybody that I admire with all my heart, it is my mother. She has always been the source of my inspiration and motivation. My mother molded me to be independent. However, when things went crazy and she became ill, I was still not ready. Merely after I became a certified public accountant, my mother started depending on me more from finances to physical strength. I was just 22.
At first, she can still move around and even help with the house chores. Despite the fact that she was ill, she still cooks for me at times. Then there came a time that she can hardly do anything. Since our province has a water system problem and we stayed at the second floor of our old house in Tawi-Tawi, I had to fetch water in order to cook and wash the dishes from the first floor and carry it to the next floor. I did this everyday before I go to work for several months. I think I've gotten muscular from doing it.
When I go to work, sometimes she is left alone in the house. It was really hard since I had to leave her and earn to sustain our daily needs. I remember that she had to leave me with my aunt (her older sister), too, when she goes to work in my infancy stage. At work, I would always worry about her. Of course, the food usually is already prepared and all she needs to do is eat. But sometimes, I have to hurry and she had to cook her own food. The dishes will only be done at night since it is all the time that I've got. It was really a hard life, but I had to endure.
When I went to Japan for a month, I left her with her aunt and cousin. At first, I worried so much about her and I didn't want to go. But my mother pushed me and told me that I needed to go. Even though she was not really well, she did not want me to be regretful that I didn't go. She knew that I had always fancied about Japan. In fact, I applied for it earlier but wasn't accepted. She saw that it was my chance and I had to take it.
Fast forward to June 2015, she was taken to the hospital because she had a really low blood count. It was really the hardest time. She has been taking a lot of medicines and whatnots for her illness, but seeing her on the hospital bed is really hurtful. Seeing someone you know who has always been strong become so weak was really sad. After two months, we took her again to the hospital to get another bag of blood. During the first one, she came home walking. However, on the second one, she cannot walk anymore. She had to be taken home using an ambulance. And the medical people had to carry her to her bed at home.
The truth is I had never became so scared and cried so much in my entire life as how I did on her second hospital confinement. I looked for people to cling to as I cannot do anymore with her. We were so broke that I had to sell the last pieces of the jewelry we owned since it is easier to sell than other properties.
There were times that I felt hopeless. But I was in no position to give up when I see her fighting her own battle. I am not the type of daughter who is so perfect. I disappointed my parents a lot of times. However, I wanted to do everything that I can to have her cured. I was dismayed that I could only do so little thing for her. And a lot of times, I would still cling to her and depend on her.
To be honest, I was never ready. As a child, no matter how much of a woman I grew into, I would still depend on her on many things. In fact, I still do. The other day, I went to the mall and looked for a new cellphone because the one that I am using has been slowing down. Since I had to spend hefty amount for it, I still called her and asked for advice. Although I knew that she would say that I am already old to make decisions on my own, deep in my heart, I am still the same crybaby that is clinging onto her - even if she is sick.
There are a lot of people in my life. But none of them really stood by my side the way my mother did. That is why, up to this moment, I still depend on her.
Mothers are indeed amazing people. No matter how weak they become physically, they still do their best in order to be the strength of their children.
And I am so grateful that she is my mother and my paradise.
