Yes, I'm afraid they are all exceedingly appalling but, alas, as you regulars may have noticed, this blog has fallen under extreme Aussie influence which I am unable to counter. I had intended to repeat my usual practice of pasting in a magnificent photograph (er, modesty forbids and all that sort of thing) of St. John's Church, Milborne Port, as seen through a snow storm. In fact this photo has been the basis of my privately printed Christmas cards for the last three years but now some of my more, er, forthright 'friends' are telling me that they are bored stiff with it! Honestly, talk about 'casting pearls before swine'!
Anyway, in a complete reversal of tone I offer you these Aussie suggestions for things you can only say on Christmas Day. I apologize for them but in their defence I can only say that they are funnier than the jokes you will find in your Christmas crackers!
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more.
See what I mean?
