Last night I drank a whole bottle of maple syrup for a game..surprisingly enough I threw up all night.
I feel this situation has been a metaphorical representation of life lately. Overindulging in things that are not good for my mind, body or soul.
I have become sick with the sweet amount of negativity that has been forced down my throat. filling my mind with the feeling that I will never amout to anything.
From a young age no one ever supported me. I learned not to trust my own opinions because no one let me make them. Decisions where forced upon me.
No matter how hard I tried to be good, it was never good enough for mom and dad. Never good enough for them to acknowledge and love me. To keep me safe.
I felt there was something wrong with me. I have since then ran in all the wrong directions. Running myself deeper into the dark, in endless circles.
Surrounding myself with the very negativity I was raises with. A group of friends just as lost as I am. Trying to medicate the emptiness together, ever going nowhere.
I want to show them all that they where wrong. That I will succeed, if I would just rid myself of the sweet syrupy temptations calling me softly into the ground.
There is yet hope to dream. There is yet safety in choosing to fill yourself with good things. In choosing to love your body depite the aching abuse it has once known.
It may not feel good to lay the sweet bottle of victimization and hate down.
The rage that is felt lingering from sexual abuse is toxic. It has driven me into sweet lust without an understanding of love. I trap in men hoping they will suffer as much as I have.
It is time to lie down this bottle of syrup and strive for hope. To let go and fight for love.
You are worth the fight
You are not alone
Xoxo
