In a world war of mind games I was not taught growing up to communicate my feelings. Instead of communication we would use the emotionally abusive attack method of the silent treatment. Rather than confronting the issues at hand we fired the bullets of passive aggression back and forth.
It is emotionally abusive to make someone guess what you are thinking. So let the guessing games begin. A smiling is supposed to show happiness but I question if it was just that sick and twisted perversity look I can’t seem to escape. No one ever meant what they said or said what they mean. It was never apparent as to what anyones motives were. I was left wracking my tiny little mind to question a sea of contradictions.
The messages that spoke the loudest was do what I say but not what I do. That did not seem to be fair at all in a game were the rules were rigid and inconsistent ruling. I had to find something to control as my world spun out of control. This need to control turned into an obsession to obtain perfection and became an eating disorders. Just one of many other compulsions.
I Made this Video Collage in 2007.
Stay strong<3 You are not alone
