Humor Magazine

Let's Hear It for GOGs!

By Davidduff

What, precisely and exactly, is a 'hate' crime?  I ask because the whole notion of a 'hate' crime is about as firmly constructed as a blancmange!  If you punch someone in the nose then presumably at that moment you 'hate' them, assuming, of course, that 'hate' is a physcological feeling capable of being defined with the exactitude demanded by m'Learned Friends - pause for giggles to die down!  Of course, you might 'hate' someone at the instant you take a swing but just before that you might merely have disliked someone a bit, but somehow a 'Disliked Someone a Bit' crime doesn't have quite the, er, punchiness of a 'hate' crime, does it?  For example, if the yob I ordered to pick up his litter in Yeovil High Street a couple of months ago had punched me, or, more likely as my grumpy stupidity rose, I had punched him, would 'hate' have been involved - and if not, why not?  According to the mighty Ass Law of the Land, a yob/old git punch-up does not involve 'hate' but if the yob in question had been a black, Seventh Day Adventist homosexual with a limp, then I might have stood trial accused of a 'hate crime' and, presumably, received 'double-bubble' by way of a sentence.  But contrarywise, m'Lud, had he punched me then according to the Ass Law of the Land no 'hate' could be involved because being a bad-tempered, aggressive, old git is not a type (or sub-culture, to use the jargon) worthy of qualifying for victimhood - and as a fully qualified grumpy old git I demand to know why not? 

I raise this complex subject because according to the BBC, the Greater(?) Manchester Police have decided, unilaterally, to widen the number of groups who, if punched, would qualify as victims of a 'hate crime'.  This group will now include 'Goths' and 'Emus' - eh?  'Emus'?   Ooops, sorry, I mean 'Emos' and no, I have no idea what an 'Emo' is and please don't bother telling me, I have managed thus far quite well in my ignorance, thank you all the same!  Anyway, this blog is now mounting a hate campaign against anyone who opposes my class action to ensure that from now on the potential victims of 'hate crimes' includes GOGs.  What was that?  Who are GOGs?  For God's sake, pay attention - Grumpy Old Gits, of course!


Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog