Humor Magazine

Jack Dim and Sir Malcolm Dumb

By Davidduff

It's not their greed and corruption that bugs me but their ineffable stupidity!  Both are former Foreign Secretaries of this country, and the faint hum you can hear in the distance is the body of Sir Edward Grey spinning in his grave.


and Chinese New Year.
Gordon Brown Ends The Speculation And Calls A General Election : News Photo

   The Rt. Hon. Jack Straw MP  'Jack Dim'


Malcolm Rifkind
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   The Right Honourable Sir Malcolm Dumb  Sir Malcolm Rifkind MP

For the benefit of my foreign readers these two chumps have just 'starred' in the longest-running Whitehall farce in the history of London 'theatre'.  Every two or three years the show is revived with the same old characters and the same tired old plot.  Enter stage left, the modern equivalent of dandruff-ridden Fleet Street hacks but, in this modern age, disguised as smooth PR men often from frightfully good schools, you know, just like 'Dim Dave' in his younger days, or sometimes they are glamorous PR ladies but always acting on behalf of ............... (fill in name of foreign company) from ............ (fill in name of country famous for having oodles of dosh).  In essence the script never varies.  Their 'client' needs some help, introductions to the right people, some influence on forthcoming legislation that might affect their products, perhaps a bit of useful pressure on the civil service when it comes to signing potential new orders, that sort of thing.

So the 'dress rehearsals' run smoothly but then, on 'opening night', all is revealed!  Just as it was three years ago, six years ago, nine years ago and so on ad infinitum.  The whole thing was a Fleet Street con and the stupid politicians are caught out yet again with their snouts in the trough.  Incidentally, in this case, the same men who sent our soldiers off to be killed and maimed in utterly useless foreign wars.

I know, I know, it was ever thus but even so - pass the sick-bag!


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