As you know, here at D&N we pride ourselves in not only bringing you the very latest news but actually telling you the news before it has happened! In fact, modestly, we may say that in the past our forecasts have been described as "stunning", or at least, they have left people stunned. Anyway, there is today only one piece of news worth reporting on, so you can forget about America going bankrupt city by city, Arabs slaughtering other Arabs, the Chinese trying to be more inscrutable than the Japanese, Africans doing what they're really good at, that is, dying of starvation and even really, really important news like will Wayne 'ropey-rug' Rooney sign for Chelsea? - today there is only one story:
Itsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-beeitsabay-bee
This distinguished organ is also proud to report on the sex of the bay-bee - it is either a boy, or it is a girl - and remember, you read it here first!
(What's that? Putin has declared war on Russia! For God's sake don't bother me with trivia like that when there's a really important story breaking . . . now, over to our correspondent at Buckingham Palace . . .)
