Humor Magazine

It Was D&N Wot Dunnit!

By Davidduff

Well done, you chaps, er, and you chapettes, of course!  I issued my orders a few days ago and I'm proud to say that all of you did as you were bloody well told to do which was get fell in in single rank, tallest on the right, shortest on the left, and march in an orderly body to the nearest polling station - and vote UKIP

As I write, only some of the results are in but they have already filled my cup to overflowing.  The Tories actually lost the huntin', shootin' and fishin' county of Gloucester - unbelievable!  I am ashamed to say that my own counties (I live on the border), Somerset and Dorset, failed to turf the Tories out and I regret to say, therefore, that I have issued instructions to Luigi and his pals to go round and break a few legs to re-enforce my instructions for the next big election which is for the European loony bin parliament next year. Now, perhaps, the Tory backbenchers will get the message.  Many of them are first time MPs and no doubt thay have got very used to the comforts and privileges of Westminster and will be loath to to lose them at the next election.  They are the only ones who can trap Cameron into a corner and force him to get the message from the country and not just from the metro-toffs with whom he normally spends his time.

But the best news of all comes last - and last is precisely where the il-Lib-non-Dems came in the Sheffield bye-election.  They ended up in seventh place with a derisory 352 votes which was less than the BNP and two independents.  That should wipe the smug smirk off the face of the ghastly 'Cleggeron'!


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