My titles are getting boring. Yes, I wrote titles not titties. My titties are fine thanks to KocoStar's W Line Hydrogel Breast Pack. Anyways, welcome to the first post of the decade. I bet 2 February and 20 February would be popular this year. In the blink of an eye, I'm in my mid-twenties. I started this blog when I was a bright eye teenager filled with so much ambitions. Now I feel like crying all the time because age. I see a sad movie, I cry. I get insulted, I cry. I think about the future and my bank balance, I sob even more. Now I understand why Justin Timberlake wrote the song, "Cry Me a River" for being at this age while still having the mindset of a student is just sad.
One of the problems that I have all the time is wondering if I have done enough. Everyday I go to bed overthinking and going through the list of useful things I have done that day. Something that comes in handy when I do these blog updates. I like to believe that I have spent my days purposefully and I am not wasting my life away but most of the time, I feel like I am. Thus, at the end of 2018 - a year where I dated too many men - I decided to do this 1 second everyday project that I saw on TED Talks. It is a great way to track your life and remember all that had happened.
One of the problems that I have faced is forgetting to take a video that day. Who say after 30 days of doing something, a habit would kick in. I did it for over 365 days and I still have many days that I have forgotten to record. Honestly speaking, as I am not embarking in this journey in 2020, it does feel weird to not record my everyday life. I'm hoping to do a new project in 2020. I'm not sure what it is yet but it will get to me.
I worked for me in 2019
Mostly, I work for myself. I do work for others when it comes to teaching and doing events. I never thought that I will be teaching kids in this lifetime. It's something that I have always wanted to do but figured out I should give it up because of the path that I have chosen in my studies. An opportunity arise and I took it. I continue doing it for the whole year teaching at so many different schools, handling students of so many different ages. This explains why you see so much censoring in the video. I still do help handle the events since that industry was what I'm educated in. Many people like to say the events industry is fun. It is fun if you do it for a short period of time. However, it is insanely tiring if you do it daily. It will turn into a chore and you will hate it.
Things are fun if you don't do them everyday. If they start to appear daily, it will turn from rare to common. This is a huge reason why a lot of us don't appreciate the people around us as much because we see them daily and take them for granted. A shame really.
Laziness consumes me
As compared to the 17 year old me, I am at a stage where I am severely unmotivated. I do the bare minimal to get by. It's the life of a pig and I hate it. That is why things need to change in 2020. I mean, in 5 years I would hit the huge 30. I hopefully would be married and I might even be someone's mother. I need to get my life together. I know this whole chunk of demotivating words should not be on this blog for it is the more 'sparkly' blog but let's face it. I'm tired of hiding behind this facade that I have unknowingly created. I am just as much of a flawed being like you and everyone else. Online personas are really just a personas and sometimes that persona got to go.
I would do a recap of the posts I did in 2019 but I didn't post much in 2019. All that I needed to say have been brought up in my 3 seconds a day for a year video. I would input the subtitles eventually but in the mean time, you can refer to my youtube subtitle blog here. That's where my manuscript go. One of my proudest impromptu collaboration project that I did in 2019 was 3 ways to use your Old Xmas Cards. It's the first time I actually intentionally prepared something for Christmas. Plus the fact that it is a collaboration means, I don't need to market it - see, doing the bare minimal to get by again.
My vision in 2020
- I hope to go out more - Be it to do outdoor streaming, to find myself or just to work, I hope to not enclose myself in these four walls as much as I did in the last year. My health depends on it.
- Exercise more - Being in your mid-twenties means you have to do certain things with intention and one of the certain things is exercising. My body don't function like it used to. Even though I might loathe exercising, I have to do it.
- Sleep early - Weak liver, weak body = Signs I need to sleep early. Plus, sleeping early helps with looking younger as well
- I need to change my skincare and really take care of my skin
- Stop being so temperamental - I need to understand that I have more control of my future than the stars or any other person
- Increase Savings - I don't need to explain this do I
- Get motivated and stop living in the past - I am a person that turns back the clock a lot. I admire my younger self and how she was so out there despite of the lack of age and respect. Now that I have both, I don't seem to care. I really need to become the person I always thought I would be at this age.
With that, I end this awfully authentic blog post that probably should be on my tumblr instead. Here's an old letter to my future self and I will see you in the next post.
