Humor Magazine

In Which This Blog Ventures Below the Waistline!

By Davidduff

I'm thinking of starting a series of posts on utterly useless research projects undertaken by universities but I fear it could take over this entire blog.  It never ceases to amaze me the way university departments come up with truly arcane subjects to investigate, nor the skill they must possess to relieve budgeting agencies of their, or usually my, dosh!

Yesterday, I read somewhere about a team of researchers who had established that back in the days before one had a tailor, in other words before clothes were invented (dread thought!), women used to judge men as potential mates by the size of their willies.  This, according to the 'brain-boxes' concerned, led to Darwinian selection pressure for men to, er, hang lower, if you catch my meaning.  Apparently, these under-employed  busy 'brain-boxes' came up with a mathematical equation to do with the ratio between length and diameter which measured how attrected the ladies would be - and, no, I don't know if they conducted any practical experiments!

Happily these days one may rely on one's tailor to hide the truth and as I assured the 'Memsahib' one night back in the mists of time, "He might not be very big but he's a very good little worker!"  Also, a great friend of mine who is still today a master 'swordsman' of enormous reputation and, er, proportion whilst sympathising with my, er, modest appendage, told me, "Don't worry, Duffy, it isn't the size that matters, it's the knowledgeable arse behind it!"  Later in life I realised that since humans have discovered clothes and all is hidden, the ladies are not attracted by the size of your todger but the size of your Porsche!  See, that's Darwinian selection theory at work, innit?!


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