You could always tune in and watch tonight's election special in which 38 party leaders 'debate' the issues of the day - oi! - hang on! - where are you going? - this is important, dammit! Honestly, some people have no sense of civic duty. This will be a fascinating debate in which the 47 party leaders each have 11.7 seconds to repeat their party mantras without using the first person singular. Then the 52 party leaders will face questions from individual members of the audience. These questions, most of which will be incomprehensible, will only be allowed to last up to half an hour each. As the TV debate is being held 'oooop north', simultaneous translations will be available and, of course, there will be one of those blokes in the back ground suffering with St. Vitus' Dance syndrome and waving his arms about.
If you remain unconvinced to give up the pub for one night in your life and instead to attempt to educate yourselves in the finer points of British political discourse, then I have great news for you. There has been a late addition to the 63 party leaders on the panel because, and here modesty forbids and all that, but the leader of Duff's Poor Childrens' Beer Alliance (DPCBA) has graciously acquiesced and agreed to take part. Now, I don't want any of you lot ringing in to the programme and asking me what I fall down on just because, as leader of the DPCBA I do rather more falling down than standing up for things. Suffice to say, that the DPCBA stands on a single platform in which we promise, you the people (too ghastly!), that when I assume office I will cut the duty on beer to 0.0%. Actually, there is a second policy (well, I only just thought of it) that all OAPs will be entitled to a free pint of beer every night.
So, I look forward to hearing from you tonight along with the other 86 crashing boors and incompetents. I thank you!
