Humor Magazine

I'm Glad I Don't Live in Decatur, Illinois

By Davidduff

Mind you, just over 74,000 people do, so all I can hope is that they all have some oxygen tanks and breathing apparatuses to hand.  You see, according to Eric Worrall at WUWT, the good 'folks' (as 'The One' always refers to his subjects!) are sitting on the top of 1,000,000 tons of CO2. Heh, you probably grunt, typical Mother nature, always playing tricks!  But not this time.  No, no, this time it is loony, swivel-eyed Greenies who are trying to prove the efficacy of burying CO2 underground.  But, they assure the good people, ooops, sorry, the 'folks' of Decatur that they have been really, really careful and, honest Injun, nothing can go wrong: 

“Extensive monitoring takes place during and after injection to be sure the stored CO2 stays in place. Monitoring techniques include using geophysical technology to confirm the position of the CO2 underground and wells to monitor groundwater and soils. 

No out-of-bounds health, safety or environmental risks were observed from this properly designed and managed storage site. Appropriate risk mitigation and management plans were an integral part of the overall project planning. Extensive monitoring took place before, during and now after the injection to be sure the CO2 stays in place. The first line of monitoring begins deep below the ground, so we know if any leakage occurs long before any CO2 might reach the surface.”

So that's alright then!  I mean, no chance of wicked old Mother Nature kicking off on one like she did at Lake Nyos in Africa:

Nyos is one of only three known exploding lakes to be saturated with carbon dioxide in this way, the others being Lake Monoun, also in Cameroon, and Lake Kivu in Democratic Republic of Congo. On August 21, 1986, possibly as the result of a landslide, Lake Nyos suddenly emitted a large cloud of CO2, which suffocated 1,700 people and 3,500 livestock in nearby towns and villages.

Of course, CO2 is invisible and heavier than air so that en masse it rarely rises above 10'.  Thus, the first indication you will get is people dropping dead around you from suffocation, that is, just before you do the same.  My advice to the citizens of Decatur is to buy a penthouse appatment - now!

 


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