How I stopped overthinking
I was a chronic over-thinker. When I was in my teens, I used to overthink a lot. While other kids were making mindless but fun choices, I was self-restricting myself. Safe to say, my parents were never worried about me because I was my own parent. Although overthinking does keep you safe, you do miss on a lot of activities.
Despite that, I did not stop overthinking until I graduated high school. At the point in time, I did not recognize that overthinking was part of the problem of why I was so unhappy. I knew that there's something wrong with me. I woke up unhappy every single day and I wanted to change that. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. It's such a terrible life to live. So I changed. Over the years, I altered my personality and my thinking to how I am today. To change one's mindset, to adapt to this new perspective that you're feeding your brain takes a lot of time. It also takes a lot of determination. You have to stop giving yourself excuses and want to put in the effort to stop overthinking. It is not easy and it may take a long time before you realize how far you've walked. But it's worth it.
How to stop overthinking
Thus, as an experienced over-thinker, here's my guide on how I stopped overthinking. Please note that this was my personal guide on what I did to reduce my overactive mind. The results may differ for different people.
Let it all out
Overthinking is a stressful and tiring process. Sometimes the stress from overthinking gets too overwhelming and all that we felt was this bundle of knots. Frustrated, scared, confusion. It gets too much! Hoarding these emotions is not only bad for your mental health but for your physical health too. Additionally, it will cause you to overthink even more.
To end this cycle, all you have to do is to let the emotions flow. Go to a room or a remote place to cry, scream or shout to let those emotions out of your system. Remember it's alright to be upset. Even for no reason. Even for something that seemed so small and meaningless. You are not weak, you are only human and you are healing. By letting it all out, you are on the path to being a better you.
All the emotions that you're feeling are because of the built up stress and over the creation of imaginary scenarios. It is tiring to have such scenario playback in your head over and over again. I acknowledge those are legit concerns that you have but now it's too much for you. Let it go, let all your concerns go. Through the form of tears or words.
Instead of hoarding all these negative feelings and these problems that you think no one seemed to understand. Try letting them go. Find a friend you can confide in and let what's on your mind flow. What's happening is you are releasing your clogged heart. Finally saying what needs to be said. Sometimes you need to let go to be better. If speaking to a friend is too much for you, you can always confide in a counsellor or start a diary. Sometimes it all it takes is for you to hear yourself, then you would realize how ridiculous your mind actually is.
Sometimes we get too deep into the situation that we need to pause and take a step back. This helps us to have a clearer view of the whole situation. Most of the time, things are not as complicated as one perceived it to be.
To be in the present moment, one has to stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about what you could have done to stop something from happening. Because if something was meant to happen at that time, no matter what you do, it will still happen.
Acceptance
A lot of time we overthink because we have expectations. To search for the perfect job, to marry the perfect partner or to be the perfect person for everyone. To have such perfection, we overthink small problems. From why your friend said this to what if I went another route. The more we think, the more we expect and the higher the expectations rise. By the time the situation happened and it doesn't meet our expectations, we will have utmost disappointment. Then, we continue to think about why did this happen. It's a horrible never-ending cycle. To break out of this cycle, we must diminish our expectations and accept everything at face value. Don't think about the maybes and what ifs. Accept everything first then go with the flow.
Not everyone will like you or what you do. What you might think is right may not be right for the next person. You can't please everyone in life and the more you try to the more you will worry. Eventually, everyone or at least most of the people you meet will leave and all that's left is you. So please stop trying to please everyone and start looking out for yourself.
Nobody is perfect, not even you. And it's OK to be flawed. In fact, that's the beauty of life. Everyone have their good bits and everyone have their bad bits, like how everything have their pros and cons too. There's no such thing as "the perfect item for all." There are only things that are perfect to you. What's perfect to you is not perfect for your friend. So the word perfect is rather subjective.
Aside from that, we talk about achieving perfection in your work. I know how sometimes you do something and your expectations are way off from your reality. By the time the finished product comes out, it's nothing like what you envision. At the point in time, you would beat yourself up because of that. But please don't. Ask yourself, did you put in your all when you did this. If you did, let it go because there's nothing more you can do. Sometimes we need to accept that our vision is beyond our ability. Although it's the hard truth, it is what we need to hear to move on. At this point, we can either choose to bury ourselves in sorrow, regrets and whatnot or we can choose to improve ourselves. To ready ourselves so that we can reach what we envision in the future. It may not be the next time or it may take 10 years worth of work. But it's ok. As long as you are moving forward - no matter at what pace - it's a day to celebrate.
Whereas for those who didn't put in your whole effort, ask yourself why? What is making you not putting your 100% in? If so, what can you do better next time such that you can put in your full effort?
A lot of us who are over-thinkers are actually controlled freaks. No matter how much you to deny it, it is true. Because overthinking will make us think of the consequences of the decisions we make. As we already thought of the worst case scenario, we want to prevent that. To prevent bad things from happening, we will plan everything to the second and try to control everything. Inadvertently, things don't always go according to your plans and when that happens we will freak out. The more we try to grip, the more we lose control. Losing control is the best way for our overthinking mind to activate.
The only way one can stop this is to let go. For control freaks like myself, that is the hardest thing I have to go through. If I have to admit to this day, I still have problems losing control. However, I learned the sweet balance between controlling what you can and letting go of what is beyond your control. To plan for the worst and then let go. If things do go according to plan, then good for you. If not, it's another adventure.
In life, there's no strict guide for you to follow, sometimes you need to lay on the water and see where you float. Most of the times, the destination you arrive unplanned, ain't that bad. In fact, it might even be better than what you've planned. And if it's worst, it'll make a good story, a good laugh between your friends. To let go is a very scary move because you don't know what will happen after that. But, you will realize it might be the best move you ever did because it opens up so many more doors to your future. The world is your oyster.
Let Go
To move into the future, we have to leave the past behind. That means no more replaying of the past and thinking of what you should have done to prevent it. Here's the hard truth about that, no matter what you do the outcome will still be the same. It might not be the same in that exact time frame but another situation will come up and everything will come back to square one. You need to understand that not everything could be controlled. If it's meant to happen, no matter how much you delay it, it will still happen. All you can do now is to learn from it and move on. Remember it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It is just part and partial of what life is.
Life is not perfect. We meet obstacles all the time and most of the time we don't understand them. Understand that this is part of life. Embrace it, for life consist of the good, the bad and the neutral.
Linked from the previous point, sometimes we have to remember that there are many sides to the same story. There's his side, her side, your side and the view from afar. However, none of them is accurate. Everyone has their own narration of what happened because of their own personal previous experiences. For example, if you read a story when you are 15 and you read that same story now, you will see a different side to the same story. You might even doubt if that story you read is even the same one as before. That's because you have grown since then.
As you encounter different experiences, your thinking change. Your view of the world change. The person you were yesterday is not the same as the person you are today. It's OK to be different because that represents growth. We grow and evolve every single day. Don't expect people to see the same story as you see. Let go of your view and learn to be more understanding. I'm not asking you to step in their shoes and see the situation because, let's be honest, you will still hold on to your own views and try to justify yourself.
Instead, let go of everything; the worry, the problems and the situation; and accept things as they are. The easiest way you can see the whole picture is to first accept it as it is. Accept that not everyone sees the things you see and finally let it all go. Not for anyone else but for yourself. To get out, you have to let go.
I acknowledge that this is hard for first-timers. It was hard for me too. Questions and problems from, "But you're sitting there doing nothing! My mind would overthink even more!" My advice is to try. Yoga is created at that pace so that you can slow down your mind and your heart. We live in a fast-paced environment where everyone is running around all the time. With the media blasting their ideologies into your head. Our mind is so filled with voices that's not ours, it's time to slow down and sort out the mess. Find out what you want without all the fears and clutter in your mind. If you were not afraid, what would you do?
Through yoga, through meditation, learn to focus on yourself and let go. Let go of your mind. Clear the thoughts in your head and be free. As humans, we hold on to so many things that it not only clutter up our space but our lives too. Thus, let's decluttered our head and let them all go. When you let go of what's in your mind for that few minutes, you will learn to let go of the negative thoughts. Of course to achieve that, one should not be sceptical. One should believe in the process and want to let go from the bottom of your heart.
Go with the flow
As the Chinese saying goes, 勉强是没有幸福的 (anything against one's will does not bring happiness/blessing). And that is quite true. Instead of trying to find ways to go against the world, try letting go for once and go with the flow. You will realize that relaxing on these waters ain't that bad. A lot of time, we resist these changes because of our need to control, a need that is not a need.
Overthinkers like to predict the future. We like to control everything from people's emotion to the weather. By having plan A, B, C, D, etc. "What if.." is our favourite phrase. When things don't go our way we get upset because we planned so much in our head. This not only affects our mind but our emotional well-being as well. Living like this is insanity but you can't stop living this way. As a control freak, letting everything go is impossible for me. Over the years, I learned to relax my grasp. I learn to control what I can control and let go of what I can't. That means I control my actions, my thoughts and my mindset. I control what I say to others and what more I can do to help others. I let go of the things I can't control from people to plans and everything outside of me. As mentioned above, it takes time. Changing yourself takes time. As long as you have the will, there's always a way.
The best way to go with the flow is not to have any expectations at all. Expectations often don't match up to reality. When that happens, you think why and your mind comes up with 101 scenarios and ends with a migraine. All that and the results will still be the same. Throw your expectations out of the window and go with whatever is handed to you. Most of the times, those things are quite good too.
Take everything with a pinch of salt. Sometimes, words are just words. They are not promises, they are not solid liable evidence. Most of the time they are just jokes, so don't take things so seriously. It's better for yourself and your heart. By not taking things so seriously, you would not have any expectations and anything from that point would be a pleasant surprise. Everyone likes to be surprised, right?
Treat yourself right
People who know me personally, know I say this all the time. Sometimes, I say this not for them but for myself. By saying it out loud, I drill it into my head that everything is going to be Ok. Even if it is not ok right not or does not feel like it will ever be ok, it will be. Trust this mantra. Drill it into your head that no matter how dark everything seems now, there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. Because if you don't trust yourself, who would?
If saying it out loud still gives you anxiety, try slowing down your mind. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. Try to control and lengthen your exhale. Repeat this at least 3 times until you feel calm. Going into a situation with a calm and positive mindset helps you make the best decisions. To treat yourself right, it's important that you are able to think rationally. Thus, calm yourself. Form your own mantra or remind yourself that everything is going to be OK.
As you are practising these steps, you must be wondering why you still continue to overthink. To stop something that you've drilled in your head to do for decades is a long journey. To change your mindset is also a tough journey. Remember not to give up and bit by bit you endure. Give time some time. Give yourself some time. Understand your situation and eventually, you will reach your goal.
That's the end of what my advice on how I stop overthinking. Do note that these is written from my personal experience so it may be different for you. However, you never know if you never try right?
