Yes I'm ripping off a Talking Heads lyric, but I digress.
So how did I get here? How did I get so big? It's a combination of things, but the big thing that started me on the road to gaining 165 of my extra 240 pounds, that I've lost 90 of, happened eleven years ago today. However, It all started when I was fifteen.
When I was fifteen I weighed 155 and I wanted to lose fifteen pounds. Keep in mind that for my height and frame, 155 is the highest weight I should be and I was as tall as I am now back then. I just felt that I was so different from the other girls at school because they were all so thin I needed to lose weight So, that year I went on my first diet. I found the diet in YM magazine, complete with exercises! I don't remember how much I lost but I know that is where my weight problem started. Every other year from then on I'd gain the weight back plus more and the cycle would continue.
I watched my mother struggle with her own weight over the years so I guess you could say I learned that losing weight was "the thing to do". She was on the original Weight Watchers plan in the 80's. I remember it well. My Mother is a wonderful cook and I basically inherited her eating habits. She's like a gourmet. Her food is amazing! Can you blame me for stuffing myself!? I know every time I go north to visit her or she comes to the Capital Region to see me, we always end up gaining weight as a result. Not anymore! We're both on Weight Watchers! She's lost quite a bit of weight herself and I'm so proud of her.
Both sides of my family are not exactly perfectly thin, with exception of a few first cousins of mine that are within what seems like normal limits. Regardless, both sides have their issues with weight. One side more than the other, but I still have it coming from both sides. I had a Great Aunt whom when we went over would bring out all of the food, the cookies, and chips, cheese doodles. She would insist you should eat even if you told her you just ate. My maternal Grandparents also had their fair share of junk food around: Ice cream, peanut brittle, chocolate, potato chips. I guess you could say food was a comfort to me because of the people it reminded me of. Still to this day certain foods remind me of certain people. Cheese doodles, My Great Aunt; Ice Cream, My Maternal Grandparents; Dark chocolate, My Maternal Grandfather; Starlight Mints and Ribbon Candy, My Maternal Grandmother. I know that within the last five years I had eureka moment when I caught myself stuffing my face with ice cream one day. That day I realized that I was basking in the memory of my Maternal Grandparents. I lost both of them within two years of each other. One in 2005 and the other in 2007. Food was a coping mechanism.
Even though some of the homes I spent a lot of time in had junk food in them, I wasn't raised with junk food. We didn't have soda, chips, ice cream, or candy at my childhood home. We even grew our own food! We had all kinds of fresh homegrown vegetables and fruit. Never the less, as I got older, started to 'develop', got closer to my mother and became less of a tomboy I started to gain weight. I was no longer out climbing trees, playing in the dirt, riding my bike, roller skating, ice skating and swinging. I also quit dance around that time too. I have reason to believe that my parent's divorce,which started when I was thirteen and finalized when I was fifteen, contributed to it too. However, that is all in the past and you still want to know about what happened eleven years ago today.
Of course you all ready know the cycle of lose and gain continued till eleven years ago today. That was the day my gall bladder was removed. I was in my late 20's, weighed about 220 and had lost 30 pounds in one month. I was doing low sugar/carbs, high fiber, low calorie and exercising at least three days a week for 30 minutes. It was just another version of what I had done pretty much every other year since I was 15, but never so drastically. After researching about Gallstones, and trust me I had plenty of time before my surgery because I was on FMLA from work because I was so damned sick, I learned that fast weight loss might have been the cause. My weight was probably an issue too but the weight loss factor made me freak out. I vowed to never diet again. I wasn't going to subject myself to endangering my health any longer with yo-yo dieting. I was ok with my weight at the time.
Fast forward to my first marriage dissolving a little less than a year later, when I gained thirty pounds in like three months, or less, Then fast forward to meeting my current husband that eats more that I did at my highest weight, but is just about ten to fifteen pounds overweight. I gained fifty pounds in the first year I knew him! I was 295 when I met him and ballooned all the way up to 385.
So there you have it. That's how it all happened. I'm not blaming anyone. I had a choice. Funny thing is how I rejected Weight Watchers for so many years. I tried "Deal a Meal' and even starved myself. I'm so happy I'm doing this the right way finally. So sad it took me this long to find my way. I am so thankful for the love and support of my family friends and fellow Weight Watchers! Love you all!
