Fitness Magazine

HAWMC - Learned the Hard Way

By Wendiw80 @asouthernyogi
Today's Challenge

"Learned the Hard Way. What’s a lesson you learned the hard way? Write about it for 15 today."
I've learned a lot of things the hard way so it's kind of difficult to pick one thing and go with it. I guess I can talk about my weight loss journey since that seems to be most relevant to my health focus. 
HAWMC - Learned the Hard Waypics from the mud run I did this weekend

I've grown up always thinking I needed to lose about 10 lbs. Even when I was a teenager, I've always thought I was fat. The only time that I really felt like I was at a good weight was when I stopped drinking in 2000. I weighed about 110 lbs at that point which is probably 45 lbs less than what I weigh now - not good. 
Since then, I have struggled with binge eating. I think the lesson that I really struggled with was the idea that it's not about the food. When someone has a life strong struggle with weight issues, whether they are anorexic, bulimic, a binge eater, whatever - it is not about the food. It seems like it's about the food, but there has to be something that made that person seek solace in food. People that don't eat in a disordered fashion don't eat until they are sick. They don't restrict themselves in an unhealthy way. 
HAWMC - Learned the Hard WayI'm on the right - this is me at my largest - don't even ask what we're doing

Towards the end of 2007, I began exercising and also began my phase of extreme dieting. I would go on diets that would cut out entire food groups. Like one was trying to get your body to burn fat so it restricted all carbs including fruit! I was so weak and really actually kind of angry. Then, I started doing the Zone which included lots of weighing and measuring food. I had success. I lost weight. I dropped to 145 lbs which was the thinnest I had ever been. It was about 25 lbs less than the picture above. 
HAWMC - Learned the Hard Wayme at 145 lbs

End of story, right? No. Remember that whole part about the food not being the issue. Well, all of the sudden, the diet didn't work. Being thin didn't "solve" those issues, it didn't bring me the happiness I thought I would have and so I started eating again. And because I had been restricting for so long, it was much worse than it had been before. Cheat days went from 1 day a week to 4 days a week and then pretty much all the time. Now, I had something to be guilty for (not following my "diet"). 
I finally had enough of feeling badly, eating badly, treating my body poorly, etc. I started seeing someone and began the journey that I am still on now. This time, I wanted to solve whatever issues I needed to solve. I'd like to say that I am completely accepting of myself now, even about 10-15 lbs heavier than in this pic, but I still struggle with food issues, negative self talk, etc. The only difference now is that 1) it's not as frequent and 2) I don't think that a new "diet" is going to be the solution. It has taken me 12 years to get to the place where my goal is acceptance of myself and all of my flaws. I know that my happiness is only going to come from that. And helping others. 
What are your struggles? What lesson have you had a hard time learning? 

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