Humor Magazine

Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow!

By Davidduff

Sorry, sorry, even by my abysmal standards that's a corny title and it's not even accurate as far as I am concerned.  Yes, back in the day I was quite a hairy fellow but then, sometime in my mid-forties, I was hit with a bout of alopecia - and yes, I do know that is a condition that normally hits pubescent young girls and I will remind you that I do the jokes round here!  Anyway (and sorry because I think I have told you this before), I blame Barney Cashman, the ineffable shmuck who is the 'hero' of Neil Simon's classic comedy The Last of the Red Hot Lovers.  It is a three act play in which Barney attempts, and fails dismally, infidelity with three different ladies.  It is a big role because he is on-stage for the entire time.  Now, I am a pretty good actor - no false modesty here, darlings! - but I am not a confident one.  It was shortly after this thespian marathon that my hair started to fall out.

Fortunately, although it looked a bit patchy, the hair on my head more or less stayed intact although my moustache had to go because it only grew on one side and I got fed up with school children sniggering at me!  Also, and this is the point of this tedious post, my eyebrows disappeared completely.  However, there is a happy ending to this tale of non-hirsute woe, I think because of some meds that I'm on, my eyebrows have returned.  Great big bushy things they are, too!  And my beard now takes considerable effort to shave so perhaps, just perhaps, I could go all retro-'80s and grow my moustache again!

And yes, ladies, I know you are wondering, I also lost all my hair 'down there'.  The 'Memsahib' thought it an improvement on the grounds that it made 'it' look bigger!  Alas, no sign of regrowth at the moment.


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