It has not been pleasant for Terry Francona since leaving the Boston Red Sox. Aside from the embarassment of last year's collapse, and the subsequent leaked stories highlighting sensitive issues from Francona's personal life, the Red Sox front office has done little to reach out to the most storied manager in team history. Today, a Boston Globe article revealed that the Red Sox wanted Francona to be a part of Opening Day festivities. When he refused, Call of the Green Monster learned the team will take drastic measures in retribution.
Call of the Green Monster has learned that shortly before the first pitch of the game, as festivities wind down, the sell-out crowd will be treated to a 10-minute video on Francona on the new high-definition screen. However, the video will apparently show troubling and humiliating moments of Francona's private life, including scenes depicting his troubled marriage and others depicting his alledged use of painkillers. "There is also much footage of Francona stuffing his mouth with all sorts of tobacco and other substances and drooling all over the field--though that's not exactly news," a source told us.
Francona was outraged to hear this information, but Larry Lucchino quickly called a press conference to deflect criticism. "I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear about the plans for this insidious video," a defiant Lucchino said. "We will get to the bottom of this, and whoever put together this disgusting, tasteless, trashy video will be severely punished."
However, when Lucchino was asked to confirm that the video will not be shown, he grew indignant. "Are you kidding, of course we're showing it," he said. "We paid a fortune for this video. We had clubhouse snitches following Francona everywhere all season with their camera phones to secure some really entertaining stuff. The show must go on!"
When informed that showing the video would only add to Francona's rage, Lucchino took an appeasing tone. "Don't worry about it, I'll issue an apology condemning the video," he said. "Eventually..."
