Humor Magazine

'Fat Boy' Kim Skates Towards the Very Thin Ice

By Davidduff

My trusty observers at NightWatch tell me that 'Fat Boy' Kim has placed all of his missile, rocket and artillery formations on the highest level of readiness which is a 'war imminent basis' and means they are capable of firing within minutes of receiving the command:

In the four Army Corps that are based north of the Demilitarized Zone, the North has deployed in caves and hardened positions about 10,000 howitzers, guns and multiple round rocket launchers with wartime loads of ammunition. The gun density per kilometer is higher than at the major battles on the Soviet Front in World War II and is, in fact, derived from Soviet artillery doctrine.

No-one seems to believe that he really wants war but explanations for his apparently lunatic behavior vary.  The shrewdest, I think, was a man on Sky News who suggested that his main aim was to attract the attention of President Aloof - ooops, sorry - President Obama and force him into one-to-one negotiations over a new settlement for the Korean peninsular.  This, of course, will give Kim's reputation a tremendous boost and as any settlement will probably include large dollops of American aid for which North Korea is desperate, that will add even more 'lustre to his cluster'!

For once, Obama will be right to remain aloof.  This is primarily a South Korean, Japanese and Chinese problem.  Kim is like a batty old man living in a community who spends all day and night shouting obscenities at the neighbours and threatening to kill them all.  It is up to the neighbours to decide amongst themselves what to do about him - they, after all, have most to lose.

In the meantime, of course, in such a state of high tension the possibility of some soldier somewhere along the border making a mistake and starting a war is a very great possibility.


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