Humor Magazine

Er, About That Light at the End of the Tunnel . . .

By Davidduff

It's not an approaching train, it's two approaching high-speed trains and they're heading straight for us!  The first to hit us is the Scottish referendum and the indications appear to be that it will be "a fine run thing".  Of course, the Jocks would be mad to vote for it, but then we all know, do we not, that there is a streak of obstinate lunacy that runs through them which makes them such valuable soldiers.  If it happens it will be the first case of a tiny group of passengers leaving a safe and stately cruise liner in the middle of an ocean and taking to a paddle-powered lifeboat.  What can one say, except, good luck with that one, Jock!

ADDITIONAL:  A rather touching but also intelligent piece by Ian Martin in The Telegraph today arising from the funeral of Margot MacDonald, a fierce supporter of Scottish independence but nevertheless a woman of sense and sensibility. 

However, it is the effect on us that needs to be considered.  Not all bad, apparently, because some experts believe it will cause the immediate resignation of David Cameron.  But it will also cause an almost immediate constitutional crisis.  The Tories will insist, not without reason, that if the Scots vote to leave there will be no general election north of the border next year and thus there will be no Scottish MPs allowed into Westminster.  Labour will throw a huge hissy fit because their only chance of winning the election stands on their enormous Scottish electoral base.

But even if the Jocks vote to stay put, through the window of the second train hurtling towards us down the tunnel can be seen the grinning fright-white teeth and swivelling eye-balls of Ed Miliband whom the experts reckon is likely to win the next election.  In this week's Spectator - only £1 an issue, go on, sign up - Fraser Nelson spells out what an utter and complete disaster that will be.  I will not attempt to summarise it, just think Presidente Hollande and multiply by ten - but without the fun of les affaires de cœur, or perhaps les affaires du pénis is a more accurate description.  It is important to realise, and I don't think many people have, that Miliband is not another Blair or Brown.  He is intent on skipping that entire generation and returning to the age of Michael Foot and Neil Kinnock - quelle horreur!  And, by way of completely ruining your weekend, let me remind you that standing behind Miliband and pulling the money strings will be the repulsive and malignant figure of Comrade Len McCluskey.

Have a nice day!


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