This emptyness…I can not drown away my pain. This alcohol makes feeling go away. Easter is connected some really traumatic memories. I do not know how to handle them without escaping. I feel like no one likes me…I feel I am mad.
If you only knew the things I was forced to do. You may think I was crazy too. I can not run away from myself. I can not hide from my thoughts. My pain is tangible in my soul. gripping me whole. Sucking me into an endless abies.
these secrets are heavy in my chest
I want to believe that God really is there for me. That he did not make a mistake. That he did not neglect and lie and abandon me like daddy. That he is not ashamed like I am. That I am not a mistake. I want to believe that there is a place to belong in this world.
Isolation is the safest place I know. Lost in my head. Consumed with empty thoughts. As I search endlessly for hope.
Dear God….please forgive me
Stay strong <3 You are not alone
