Humor Magazine

Elections Are the Ice-bucket Test of Politics

By Davidduff

Today, and next month, we have some fascinating by-elections 'over here' whilst 'over there' it is only a month away from their mid-term elections which might, or might not, hammer the final nail into Obama's presidential coffin.

Let us consider our little contests.  The word is that Douglas Carswell, the former Tory MP, will romp home for UKIP in Clacton, the only question mark being over the size of his majority.  Much more interesting to us political nerds will be the result 'ooop north' in the normally safe Labour seat in Heywood.  There has been much chatter recently about the possibilities of UKIP burrowing into the Labour vote.  This by-election will test that hypothesis.  I wouldn't be too surprised if it happens because there cannot be too much enthusiasm amongst 'the plebs' for the current Labour party, led as it is by the most pathetic wet ever seen on the hustings.  UKIP's greatest advantage is the fervent zeal of their supporters which might well prove to be catching.  Certainly no-one could get 'fervent' about drippy Mr. Miliband!

Meanwhile, 'over there' they are entering the final laps of their mid-term elections and the main question is whether or not the Republicans can capture the Senate.  Praise the Lord (and pass the ammunition!), the last mid-term saw the Republicans take back the House which put a partial arm-lock on Democrat ambitions but control of the Senate this November will render Obama's reign, in effect, null and void.  It will also have a couple of extra 'goodie points'.  Should a vacancy occur on the Supreme Court any nomination from him will be put through the wringer by a Republican-controlled Senate.  Second, as 'The Kraut' points out, it will provide an opportunity over the next two years for the Republican party to re-establish themselves as a national party with a national programme rather than a collection of disparate, squabbling, State-centred pressure groups.  That will not be easy given that they are riven between their grassroots (the 'plebs', if you like) who believe in certain fundamentals and the so-called 'sophisticates' in their leadership who wouldn't recognize an ideology if it bit them in the arse!

Alas, 'interesting times'!

Still, an'all, I do have some good news from 'Our Man in Arkansas'.  'JK' assures me that he had a meeting with his new best friend, Barney Magroo, in his highly discreet company HQ situated deep in the Arkansas hills.  'One Tooth' Barney, as he is known to his friends, is the sole proprietor of the huge State-wide business, Refreshments for Gentlemen Inc., also known under its trading name as Glugs for Guys, and according to 'JK', Barney has 'put the fix in' and Mr. Tom Cotton is assured of a seat in the Senate.  Mr. Cotton, or 'Senator' Cotton as I prefer to think of him, is actually my new best friend and I just know that when he wins handsomely in November he will remember the support he has received here at D&N and, when eventually he wins the presidency, I feel absolutely certain that my invitation to his inauguration in Washington will thud onto my front door mat. (I should live so long, my life already!)

 


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