Humor Magazine

Election, Election, Election, Election, Election ...

By Davidduff

. . . election, election, election . . . well, I just thought that I would get my Brit readers used to what they will get by way of non-stop 'news' for the next five months and there will be no escape!  Given that my record in election forecasting is spoken of in awe the length and breadth of my downstairs loo I have no hesitation in providing it now - and I just know that even as I write my archivist, 'JK', will be taking careful note in order to slog me with it in five months time!

The result will be a modest Tory win.  The 'Milipede/MacClunkey' Labour party will be well and truly 'claymored' in Scotland by the 'MacNats' and will suffer trauma in many parts of the UK particularly in the South.  Whilst my opinion of the intelligence of the GBP (Great British Public) is not high I simply cannot believe that too many of them are dumb enough to vote for arguably the worst leader of the Labour party in my lifetime.  I should add that it's not his policies (in so far as one can discern them) that will turn people off him but the fact that he is so obviously a total goofball whose wife has to help him dress in the morning!

The day after the election there will be fireworks and celebrations as we all enjoy the total destruction of the il-Lib-non-Dem party and the drinks are on me if the 'Kleggeron' loses his seat! Despite the gallant efforts of 'our Nige' I must warn my 'Kipper' friends on this blog that a general election is a very different thing from a by-election.  To paraphrase the good Doctor, 'An election in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully'.  I note that even now there are signs of fundamental disagreements between the highly intelligent Douglas Carswell and the 'Faragistas'.  The pressure of an election will only add to their 'in-house' difficulties quite apart from the, er, 'out-house' activities of some of their candidates!

Finally, there is the ever-present European storm cloud in which the Greek gods are about to hurl down their thunderbolts.  If indeed there is a full-blown European crisis before May then Belloc's amusing but shrewd words will have an effect on voters:

"Always keep a-hold of Nurse; For fear of finding something worse"

So, barring kiddie-fiddling or similar scandals, 'Dim Dave' it is with a modest but workable majority. Remember, you read it here first - as though 'JK' will let me forget!

(I was about to promise not to write another word about the election but then you all know what the word of a retired second-hand car trader is worth!)

 


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