Dread Epidemic Hits South West Britain

My God, I don't want to sound alarmist but it is absolutely dreadful here with this dangerous infection racing through the population and for which there appears to be absolutely no cure.  Of course, here at D&N, unlike the BBC, we always strive for absolute accuracy so I should just point out that so far this dread disease has only struck down one person, er, well, me, actually!  But, and here I can only whisper, or perhaps croak is a better word, the name of this ghastly illness is . . . yes, you guessed . . . Man Flu!  Streaming nose, watering eyes, sore throat, well, I can hardly bear to describe it but, of course, I am standing up to it as you would expect from a proper British chap, or to be exact again, I am actually lying down to it in my pit!  The 'Memsahib' has her orders - tea at two hour intervals and homemade scones - with clotted cream and strawberry jam, natch! - every four hours.  I think a steady diet of that, and my inherent British pluck, will help see me though it.