I have DID (dissociative identity disorder) or in other words a coping mechanism of breaking apart parts of self/memories in order to survive trauma. Most of my childhood is a blank canvas with random bits and bobs of memories splattered in abstract array.
For example, my father used to check me out of school all the time in middle school and as I strain my brain, I have no idea what happened after those lost moments. He called it kidnapping as a joke… he was not one who knew how to joke. There was not one comical bone in his body.
In order to overcome the wounds of the past, the little broken parts of me, must be reparent aka revalidate (to Build up the wounds left from the past with positive words). Writing a letter to your little unloved self is a good tool to heal and open communication with the parts of yourself you have become disconnected from. Even if you do not have DID, this exercise is beneficial. Feel free to join me.
Dear Little One,
I can see your little soul abandoned and abused in the dark of the night. Your little eyes begged for help that no one seemed to see/hear. I just wanted you to know that the abuse that happened to you, was not your fault. You are not responsible for the sins of your father. Its ok, you are ok today. You are going to be ok, I am right here and I will not leave you all alone. You are never alone in your pain, ever again.
I know that you were not welcomed into this world with loving hands. You are not a nuisance, a disappointment, a burden, a mistake or a failure but a beautiful individual who was created with a purpose and hope. I know that you were made to feel stupid, inadequate and incapable of handling yourself. The truth of the matter is you are beautiful, smart, talented, capable of concerning your dreams/fears and have a bright future ahead of you.
- Today is a new day, and I am so proud of you! You are no longer a victim to the abuse, but a strong survivor.
- Today It’s ok to feel how you need to feel. It’s ok to feel angry and violated. To stand up to people and tell them how you really feel, to speak your mind without fear of abuse.
- Today It’s ok to cry until all the pain and terror is washed away.
- Today you have the choice to say no to the things that make you uncomfortable.
- Today you can start fresh.
- Today you can find beauty in the unknown wonders of exploring and enjoying the childlike wonders of being silly.
I can feel the heaviness of depression and repression you withhold inside of my bones. Feel free to express the pain and joy you feel through art, poetry, singing, dancing, ect. Today you are safe to be yourself. I accept you just the way you are. I can hear you today, and everything you have to say is important.
I am so sorry that they hurt you. I am so sorry that you wanted to die and were made to feel worthless. That you felt all alone, scared and confused. No little child should have to endure these things.
How are you doing today?
How are you feeling today?
What make you happy?
What makes you scared?
I would really like to get to know you again<3
Sincerely,
The Ugly truth
Stay strong my friends<3 You are not alone
