Humor Magazine

'Didja See Me, Didja, Didja?'

By Davidduff

Continuing my previous post on last night's televised election debate by 96 party leaders, no, I'm sorry, you didn't see me speaking for Duff's Poor Children's' Beer Alliance (DPCBA) because the bastards put me out in the car park with a soap-box!  They reckoned that my number of supporters was too small for me to earn a place inside the TV studio, despite me telling them that my organ (look, I do the jokes round here!) reaches a regular readership of, er, well, really, really, big numbers as far away as Arkansas, Russia and the 'outback down under there'.  All to no avail, so I am afraid you were left with the dregs of seven 'wannabe' prime ministers, well, five, actually because 'Mrs. MacMidget' (Scots Nuts) and 'Myfanwy Price from Llareggub' (Taff Nuts) simply wanted to walk away from Britain and ruin their homelands all on their own.

I only watched the last hour and it was all so, so, predictable.  The Greenie lady was green behind the ears, Milipede was as goofy-looking as usual, 'our Nige' only lacked a pint of beer in hand to provide the full Saloon Bar bore character he plays so well, the 'Kleggeron' tried to go all honest and sincere and thus convinced me what a fully-fledged lying liar he is and 'Dim Dave' was, well, dim. Dave really should have followed in the tracks of so many of his Old Etonian chums and gone in for flogging second-hand Bentleys and Rollers.  His worried frown and pouting pursed lips would have convinced the average punter that he sincerely cared that they purchased just the right heap of junk  one lady owner, low mileage car to suit their needs, er, and his monthly bonus target.  However, like all the other 'contestants' in this game show, he and they showered the audience, that is, the British electorate, with all the bribes they wanted to hear about forbearing to mention, of course, that the bribes would be paid for out of the voters' pockets.

I doubt if anyone's mind was changed by last night's effort, certainly mine wasn't.  Reluctantly and without enthusiasm, I will vote Conservative and pray that my forecast (yes, yes, I know!) that in the privacy of the ballot box minds will be concentrated wonderfully and a majority of voters will stick with a Tory government that, whilst it lacks "that vision thang" at least has accumulated some experience. 


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