Chasing the Dragon. A term I over use and over think and over indulge in. Always chasing that next high.
I have been sober from the Running High since October, 2014. This is nothing to celebrate. That was the last time running made me sweat. Since then, I do a mile at a time at most,the slowest miles of my life, and am doing what I can to get back there.
I used to say that if I ever lost a leg, it would be the biggest threat to my sobriety since I could no longer run. Now that my fear of not running has come true, I have found out that I am no more likely to use if I can't run than if I can. The statement was more for hyperbole about how wonderful running has been in my sobriety. But now I need to look elsewhere. There is plenty to be had and I have more than most and perhaps more than I deserve, but God Damn I am still in a unique kind of suffering. In fact, I did take myself out of the RunWell cause that seemed such a perfect fit.
I am one resilient SOB. I will follow any trail or make my own and if I get knocked down ten times I'll get up ten times. Then again, perhaps I should not be searching and chasing so hard. Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn't already have. I am hoping that chasing the dragon is quite similar, that as I seek out the mythical beast, I realize it was inside me all along. I shall find a way to breathe fire. 
