Humor Magazine

Boo-hoo for Barney Magroo

By Davidduff

Poor old Barney, after all those years spent up 'in them thar hills' come rain or shine (er, that's moonshine) providing aid and comfort to his fellow 'Arkies' including, of course, D&N's intrepid reporter on all 'Arkie' affairs, 'JK', may be forced out of business.  My latest report from 'JK', sent under strict security cipher (er, well, I had some difficulty deciphering it but I think perhaps his innate Southern courtesy had forced him - against his will, natch! -  to partake of some of Barney's product in order to get an interview.  Anyway, the fact is that there is going to be a ballot in 'Arkieland' at the next election which will allow the free sale and distribution of alcohol throughout the state.  If passed this will be the end of Barney's, er, charitable contribution to the well-being of 'Arkie' boozers.

America, of course, being a deeply eccentric country - which is why I love it so - has an amazing variety of dry, wet and half dry/wet counties as this diagram from Ballotpedia makes clear:

The following is a map showing dry counties in red, wet counties in blue and mixed counties in yellow:

Alcohol control in the United States.svg

 

Here at D&N, however, we are still rootin', tootin' 'n' hootin' (how's my accent coming along, 'JK'?) for Rep. Tom Cooper, ex-Airborne and therefore, by definition, an A1 super chap, in his race for a Senate seat.  'JK' thinks this ballot will bring out a heavy Democrat vote which will work against Cotton's chances, however, given the nature of the ballot it's pretty obvious the extra voters will all be drunks so there's no knowing for sure where they will put their cross, assuming, of course, that they are capable of drawing one!

Stay tuned for further 'Arkie Noos'!


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