When I went into business on my own I had my first meeting with a bank manager. It was at a Lloyds branch and I was expecting a hard time with close questioning of my means (nil), my guarantees (zilch) and my prospects (Panglossian). But not a bit of it, instead, all I heard was a litany of moans and groans from him to the effect that he had been with Lloyds for 30 years during which he had been trained to say 'no' to virtually everything in several different ways, but now, in this new, er, golden age he had been instructed to say 'yes' to absolutely everything. Well, his 'bad', my 'good'! Even so, Lloyds remained a fairly old-fashioned bank, rooted in the High Streets of the land and in comparison with others it was reluctant to become too involved in the lunacies of international investment activity. Thus, when the brown, smelly stuff hit the fan, Lloyds was one of the best placed to cope with the shock waves. Well, they were, until 'Brown & Balls, the Brokers Men' leaned on the Chairman, Victor Blank, and helped to persuade him to swallow the head-on train smash that was Royal Bank of Scotland. This he duly did and in time duly, and no doubt graciously, accepted his Knighthood. Needles to say, Lloyds shares which had hitherto been exceedingly healthy ended up looking like survivors from the Titanic splashing about in very deep water crying for help. A great many of them are now pursuing Sir Victor either for recompense on lost dividends or as part of a campaign to strip him of his Knighthood.
I am reminded of all this by a small item in today's Telegraph reporting that Lloyds has decided to sell its stake in the F1 racing team Marussia. Yes, indeed, as you can guess from the name, Marussia is a less than well-known oxymoron being a Russian sports car company! Rumours that they produce their cars in the same factory Stalin manufactured his tractors (and his economic statistics) are entirely wrong. Of course, suspicions linger given that the Marussia team regularly finish last or next to last or there-abouts in every Grand Prix they attend and they have yet to score a point at any race. To be (slightly) fair to Sir Victor, the investment in this company took place shortly after he had graciously stepped down as leader of the festering pile of poo which Lloyds resembled after his stewardship but obviously his spirit, or his business acumen, lived on:
In 2011, LDC gave the team a loan of £38.4m, taking its total debt to £77.7m and leaving it with a shareholders’ deficit of £81.2m.
Now, dear reader, be honest, would you invest the loose change that falls out of your trouser pockets as you make swaying attempts to hang them up after a Saturday night down the pub into a Russian anything let alone a Russian Formula One team? Take that as a 'no', shall I?
