Community Magazine

Art of Being Assertive

By Uglytruthis

Growing up in a dysfunctional family comes with a warped perspective of communication. Lately I have found that by passively withholding how you feel, what you want, and what you need creates a plethora of internal anger that in time will outwardly spew if not dealt with.

It was a learned habit to be fake with people. Not to show the true me but to be what other people wanted to see. A curious case I would like to define as perfectionism.  Perfectionism is a state of being, in which consumes all of ones energy in trying to attain unrealistic goals set by the mind, and ending up in an abusive cycle of belittling ones self. Never being able to attain any sence of peace because the mind believes it is not good enough to do so.

Profile of the insecure passive aggressive

  • dresses in baggy cloths to cover insecurities
  • Shuffling
  • Looking down at the ground
  • Silently shutting down
  • Bottles up thoughts and feelings
  • Sometimes overly enthusiastic in an attempt to be someone else
  • Agreeing with things that do not align with their personal moral
  • Avoids conflict
  • Speaks softly
  • Stutters
  • Pretends to be what others would want them to be
  • To comply with the need of others
  • Does not fight for how they feels
  • Does not know how to say no
  • Becomes a doormat
  • Feels angry because they are being taken advantage of
  • boundaries are wavering, not set in stone
  • The things they say, do not always align with actions
  • Unexplained mood swings
  • Depression
  • Drained
  • Irritable
  • Overwhelmed
  • Uncomfortable
  • Feeling defeated

To gain back a sence of self here is how to live assertive, found from the book Codependency for Dummies by Darlene Lancer

The six C’s

Congruence- Honestly expressing how you feel inside, so your words and actions align

Courtesy- To avoid venting, avenging or scolding

Conciseness- Cutting to the chase vs beating around the bush.

Clarity- Rather than speaking in an abstract manner, being direct and taking a position

Cognizance and Listening- Active listening, paraphrasing and repeating what you heard

Claim yourself- taking responsibility for your opinions, actions thoughts feeling and needs without blame or giving advice. Using I messages rather than asking or avoiding question.

  • “I am not comfortable with that.”
  • “I would rather not.”
  • “No.” is a complete sentence as well

Do you struggle with communication and being passive?

Stay strong blogger friends <3 You are not alone

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