Thirty-three.
YIKES! I turned thirty-three!
And I was thrown a surprise (well, not-so-surprise-since-I-snooped-through-his-phone) party by my boyfriend. What a lucky gal am I!
And, respecting my introvert limits, my bf invited a small, intimate group of people, including my parents and brother. It was perfect, but can I tell you? I still have trouble tolerating attention on ME. Being a long-time caretaker, I have no trouble lavishing attention and care on others. However, when it comes to me, it seems too indulgent and undeserving. Inaccurate, isn’t it? But it also reminds me of my old anorexic voice. ”Take up less space!” ”You don’t need anything!” Which, of course, is so unhealthy. So I gritted my teeth and accepted the best of the best of friends’ praise and presents.
So, I usually hate posting food, but I wanted to document the awesome spread that we had:
We had some raw veggies and veggie dip courtesy of a Pickety Place veggie dip mix:
…And some delicious pumpernickel bread and dill dip which is a family recipe of my bf’s. Yes, I eat bread. It’s ok to eat bread:
Plus, some amazing salsa-and-cheese Mexican dip:
And let me go back to the amazing friends I have. My best friend, Cory Norbutus, is the creator of Heart Healthy Tips. I love her website and lifestyle because it encourages a balance of indulgence and activity. She is a personal trainer who believes in both indulging in Chinese food AND doing a ton of burpees in the middle of a 3 mile walk. We met at UMass in 2000 freshman year, and the rest is history. I’d like to think our lifestyles complement each other. Here is the two of us on my birthday:
I think, per usual, the challenge for me that day lay in a. sitting with being full, and b. not taking care of others and enjoying my day! Why is it so hard for some of us to accept love and praise? For me, the whole role of perfectionism in anorexia lies underneath this issue. For example – if I’m imperfect and make mistakes, then I don’t deserve love at all. Which is so. innaccurate. In fact, I believe it’s a cognitive distortion called all-or-nothing thinking. As I spoke about in a previous entry, we are all human and mess up from time to time. It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve love.
We deserve it just because we exist.
I will leave you with this beautiful bouquet of flowers I was given – perfect red roses and gladiolas, my favorite flower (and incidentally, August’s flower).
Do you have trouble accepting love and praise? What about it is hard for you to embrace?
PS: The only shot I got of my birthday cake was messy, so that’s why you don’t see some cake up on this entry.
