I felt confined.
During the next 3 years my parents and I moved a lot. The recession had hit and was having a direct effect on my live-in situation. Unfortunately, my live-in situation was becoming more an more uncomfortable. It was all of the little things that were having a big impact on me. Things like not having enough room to move around the way I wanted too, not feeling comfortable having people over and not being able to record music anymore. Since 14, I had always used music as a way to express my inner-self, but with no longer having a basement, I had to break down my studio and was no longer able to record (Click here for my primary music page). This economic insecurity to not sit well with my alcoholism. I began to spend less and less time at home and more and more time in the streets.
Security Officer Vernon Allen . . . by day.
By this time, I was 24 and working full-time. By day, I was a sworn-in government security officer; a law abiding, transportation screener on the front-line of Homeland Security. By night, I turned into a protege of the Grim Reaper; a night riding drunk who frequented every strip club within a 20-mile radius. A man who escaped the realities of life by giving into the temporary pleasures of sleeping with numerous woman. I would either turn my car into the "Hotel on Wheels" or simply camp out at in random hotel rooms. I had started smoking cigarettes and black and mild cigars in order to keep my buzz going for a long as possible. Alcohol began to take me down roads I thought I would never travel, with people I had no business being around. I would only hang out with certain people because we drank together. I might not even like these people, but as long as we were drinking, everything was cool. I hadn't had anything life altering happen yet (minus the D.U.I), but I do recall a couple of incidents that made me open my eyes to my alcoholism just a little bit more.
I didn't see the car coming.
One day, I had just got off of work and went straight to the liquor store. Most of the time, I didn't even stop at home to change or take a shower after work; I would head straight into my addiction. I remember having a terrible day at work that day. A co-worker had said a racial slur to me and it really got underneath my skin. Sometimes, alcoholics have a tendency to drink "at" people. They will drink with a certain person in mind with hopes that the alcohol consumption will assist in getting back at that person. Anyway, I drank two half pints of Seagrams Gin - Bumpy Face for you veteran drinkers - straight, back to back. I just drank them while sitting in the parking area of a gas station. As I pulled out of the gas station all I remember is hearing a horn blowing and looking to my right and seeing the headlights of a car. It was coming straight at me! I had either blacked out behind the wheel or was just so drunk that I wasn't paying attention. I could have sworn I looked both ways - like we always do before pulling into a street - and didn't see any cars. The car slowed down to avoid an accident and I hurried up and drove off. I had just almost gotten into what would have been a D.U.I car accident - for me. I remember hurrying home and saying I would never drink and drive again. I think I was drinking and driving again after about 2 days. The disease of alcoholism will do that to you.
I was passed out in the driver's seat for 10 hours.
I had another incident happen when I was out drinking with this girl all night. I had planned on partying hard that night so I went and bought a fifth of Hennessy. I didn't have to work the next day so I decided I'll drink it straight. I picked her up around 10:00 p.m. and then we headed to her friend's house. We drank over there till bout 3 a.m. and then I dropped the girl I was with back off at her place. I was pretty drunk and tired driving home and when I finally made it back, I just passed out in the car. I mean, I put the car in park and didn't even get a chance to turn off the ignition before I just passed out right there in the driver's seat. So I slept in the car while it was still running for about 10 hours. It was about 5 a.m. when I parked and I didn't wake up until about 3 p.m. When I woke up, I was blacked out and could barely remember what happened the night before. It took a while for me to realize where I was and how I had gotten there. I just got to thinking about the endless possibilities of things that could have happened to me while I was sleep, drunk and not really conscience of what was going on around me.
I moved out of my parent house.
I finally came to the conclusion that getting my own place would be the best thing for me. My live-in situation was driving me crazy and I thought having my own place would give me a peace of mind. I started looking around and found a nice apartment not to far from my job. I made enough money so I didn't have to find a roommate. It would just be me, myself and I. With that being said, I moved out of my parents place and into my first apartment.Within two months, I was unemployed.
