I realized that I didn't get to finish my thoughts from yesterday so I thought I would do that today. As I was saying, I've always been in search of the end result without wanting to take part in any of the process. I somehow believe that the end result is going to bring me the happiness I so desire, but the process will not. I think that I have just always been wrong in thinking that completing certain goals and saying I checked off a certain box will somehow complete my life.
Some examples:
*If I make a certain amount of money, then I will feel like ______
*Once I can run a half marathon in this amount of time, I will be happy
*If I weigh ____ much, then I can feel okay with myself
This list could go on and on and while I'm saying this about myself, I feel strongly that most people are this way which is why we have get rich quick schemes and an entire diet industry built on the hopes that people continue on that path. What would those companies/industries do if we just enjoyed the process and did things in the appropriate way?
How I can relate that to yoga is exactly what I was discussing yesterday. I would go into a hot yoga class, have a set expectation of where I should be and push myself to get into poses that while, yes, I could do them, but was it what I should have been doing, no. One thing I've learned is that every class is an opportunity to push myself a little over my own edge and by doing that, I'm building a foundation that is very strong. I can't watch a yoga video such as the one below and then attempt to do those things. I don't know how long that person's been practicing and in reality, if I will get to where she is.
The question I ask myself now is this: let's pretend that I can now do every pose in the video exactly as she's done it - then what? A lot of things I want and desire are such a fantasized idea that I've romanced but in reality, won't do anything differently for me than what I've got now. And this is so beyond just a yoga class, it's just easy for me to relate it to that. For example, I've saved up the amount of money that I NEVER thought I would save up BUT somehow thought would bring me a life so secure and fulfilled, I'd finally be satisfied. Guess what - no it didn't. I finally reached a weight that I felt was "good" and guess what, not only was I not happy, but I was more miserable than I had been at a heavier weight. What was the lesson that I learned?
1) Acceptance of where I am2) I must find joy in the process3) Happiness doesn't come from an achieved goal
Because I feel secure in myself from an internal place, it's easy for me to accept where I am in life. I'm really find with where I am and I realize that my situation could change at any point BUT my happiness doesn't have to. Why, because I am in control of that. I can choose my mood any time of the day, any day of the week. I also can appreciate the process and where I am in it. I have short term goals, I have long term goals and I may reach some of them or I may realize I don't need them and can change my mind. But no matter what, I can learn that whatever process I go to get there will be necessary. It just makes it so much easier to say, yeah, I'm find with it. What other choice do I have?
By taking those expectations off of myself and understanding that there are certain steps I need to take to get to a goal, I can hold back a bit in that yoga class, accept that right now, I am going to be this weight, have to give up that thing I want for the bigger picture. And while it's taken me 32 years to figure that out, I'm grateful that I did now and not at 62 because as much as I've struggled and grappled with my mind over that time, I think it would suck if I had to do it for that many years. UNLESS that was part of the process :)
Namaste y'all :)
