It's an absolute disgrace! Desert Island Discs has been running since around 1784, give or take the odd century, and literally thousands of 'slebs' have been invited on by the BBC to choose the eight records they would take with them to a desert island. And yet ... and yet ... they have never asked me!
So, as my adoring public is gagging to know what musical gems I would choose - if asked! - then here they are in no particular order.
Beethoven's Fifth: This is Beethoven out-Beethovening Beethoven! If, as we all do from time to time, you feel a bit out of sorts, down in the dumps, just plain fed up - then give yourself a dose of Beethoven's Fifth and at the end of it you will be marching round the room waving your arms and feeling an exuberence beyond description.
Shostakovich's 2nd Piano Concerto: This piece of music, especially the second movement, comes under the rather technical definition of 'knickers off music'! I promise you, give the missus or the girlfriend a glass of wine or three and play the second movement and in a mattter of seconds their will be panties on the floor - possibly yours but what the hell! Actually, dear old Dimitri wrote several much greater pieces of music but for various reasons I have a soft spot for that one.
Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony: Just a few weeks back I heard the BSO playing it at the Poole Lighthouse. I think poor old Pyotr went a bit barmy when he wrote (or tried to write) his Fourth Symphony which is an almighty mess in my untutored opinion. But with his Fifth (and the Sixth, too) he got it all together and produced Mother Russia in music.
Frank Sinatra: "Songs for Swinging Lovers": Any track will do but if you held a gun to my head I think it would have to be 'I've Got You Under My Skin' by Cole Porter. As you will have probably guessed, that album was a backdrop to some of my youthful, er, activities.
Elgar's Cello Concerto: There are no words I can use to try and define the intensity of feeling in this piece of music, just listen to it - and weep! As Tchaikovsky speaks for Russia, so Elgar speaks for England.
Modern Jazz Quartet: Almost any of their tracks but my favorite is "Softly, As In a Morning Sunrise". John Lewis was a true giant amongst jazzmen not least because of the restraint he frequently showed in his piano playing.
George Gershwin: Piano Concerto: There are several American composers I could have chosen but this piece sums up for me my early - and perhaps naive - impression of America. Of course, it only 'illustrates' one small part of America - 'Noo Yawk!' - but that's enough for me.
Smetana: River Vltava: The first piece of music I heard at around the age of 14 which suddenly made me realize that, although I couldn't be bothered with it then, I knew that I liked classical music. Some fifty years later I had the great pleasure of sitting by the side of that great river with Smetana's melodies floating in my head.
OK, that's my eight choices and if forced to pick just one, well, it would have to be Beethoven's Fifth.