Humor Magazine

A Parallel MacUniverse!

By Davidduff

You can always rely on Andrew Gillingham in The Telegraph to provide an ice-bucket test to any particular fad or fashion that has seized the fancy of some sector of the GBP (Great British Public).  In this case I suppose I should refer to the GSP (Great Scottish Public), although given that large swathes of them are either drunk (no surprise, Jimmy!), or daft (still no surprise, Jimmy!) or, pace my previous post, suffering with Altzheimer's (how will we ever tell, Jimmy?), it is difficult to explain the folly of what passes for their thinking.  At this point, I must insist on excusing the very many (but, alas, not enough) Scots men and women on both the Right and Left who, ingrained with canny common-sense, can see through the fakery and fairy tales of the Scots Nats.  My late mother would have had a word for them, in fact several words but I doubt I could publish them!

You can always tell a faker when they start to bolster their unlikely story with references to 'a mysterious being', an 'all-powerful figure', a 'secret entity'.  At this point, a Scottish faker will begin to roll his eyes like Pte. Fraser in Dad's Army and warn that 'we're are all doomed!' According to Mr. Gillingham, the 'mysterious being' manipulating the entire Scottish election is - wait for it - MI5.  Oh my giddy aunt, what a hoot!  As though MI5 had the spare time and the spare personnel, let alone the inclination, to sod about with a bunch of squabbling Jocks!  But they believe it, these Scots Nats, they really, really believe it and no doubt they meet at midnight down on the shores of Loch MacFreezingmaballsoff to join hands and bring down invocations of wrath on those devilish MI5 agents who are only pretending to hunt down Islamist terrorists.

Of course, as Mr. Gillingham usefully reminds us and any Jocks capable of reading without moving their lips, raising scare stories about MI5 serves as a useful cover for the fact that the SNP has actually governed in Scotland for some years and has total control over spending and policies for health and education.  Both are inexorably going down the midden and compare unfavourably to their equivalents in England.



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