As working mums, we often face the conundrum of getting away from the pressure of parenthood. On the one hand, we want to give as much love and attention to the family and keep everyone fed, dressed, educated and happy. On the other hand, we know that we have to work and bring home some or all of the bacon. So how, then, do we tend to our own emotional wellbeing and needs?
No one can make us feel good but us. We must each stand up and take control of our destiny and accept the responsibility for our happiness. It’s time for new goals and objectives to bring small rewards and a much healthier mental health, instead of hiding behind a notion that we must be home for the family otherwise everything would fall to pieces.
If you’d like to give your life a new breath of sunshine, here are some of the ways that I got myself started last year.
1/ Find a new focus
Feeling stuck in the same routine (wake up, feed the children, go to work, come home, cook dinner, feed the children, put them to bed… you know that routine) often stems from thinking that our job is to look after others. Make this the year that you start putting your focus in something else other than what you were interested in last year. Avoid any activities related to cleaning, working, cooking and children.
2/ Stop being too hard on yourself
Although it can be difficult to forgive yourself, it’s often best to move past the self-blaming. You might be thinking it was a mistake to have children early, that you should have instead worked on your career and studies. Stop beating yourself up and stop being too hard on yourself. Move on. Move on, right now.
3/ Take pleasure in what you have
If you are constantly wanting to look or be like someone else, it’s time to give yourself a break and look at the good things you have going on for yourself. You don’t need to drool over someone else’s life, their house and cars because you never know how happy these other people really are. Enjoy what you’ve got, quit comparing yourself to others and focus instead on remaining fulfilled and happy. If there’s something missing in your life, go out and find it.
4/ Stop worrying about getting old
Many working mums are unable to say that they are in good shape and healthy. Many can’t say they are doing everything they want to be doing. Others who haven’t made the time to focus on their passions or careers also struggle. However, if you start with one goal at a time per year, anything is possible. Do your research and find out what you need to do to get there. Find a mentor or life coach and get started.
5/ Stop being the boss
This is a hard one, especially if you are a single mother. However, if you do have support from others then consider sharing some of the responsibilities with them. That way you can reduce the pressure. You might like your home organised in a certain fashion or all your groceries done from the same shop. However, letting other people share those responsibilities their way can help cut back on how much you have to do. If you need to then also change the order of schedules or cancel activities if you feel that your mind and body need a break.
6/ Sign up to a girls-only retreat
Get out of the house and away from the things you’re constantly doing. Don’t let them become your entire life. Depending on your location, you’ll find organised retreats for women based on your hobby, interest or pastime. You could also ask around about retreats for women who are going through the same issues or facing similar challenges as you, such as retreats for parents of children with special needs.
7/ Plan an emotional and mental makeover
This is a new thing that I’m trying this year. Give yourself a deadline to stop feeling stressed, sad and regretful. You should probably make it a milestone date that means something, for example Easter, your birthday or someone’s graduation. My deadline is January 20, 2014 as it’s a date that has emotional meanings to me. Start your countdown as soon as you can and make the commitment to respect the makeover when it’s time to kick-start. Write a statement in preparation. Here’s one I prepared earlier. You can borrow it and share if you want.
From January 20, I’m going to start taking care of my mind and keep it in good shape.
I will seek pleasure by looking at what makes me happy.
I will make time to immerse myself into something pleasurable that brings joy to my life.
I will see the funny side of things by focusing on the now, my friends’ jokes and stories.
I will even laugh at mistakes I make and then move on.
I will take on new interests to challenge and stimulate myself.
I will make the effort to understand what makes me stress and what makes me happy.
I will start expressing my thoughts and needs instead of bottling up.
I will pay attention to how I feel during stressful situations and I will journal or blog it.
So there you go!
I think we all agree that joy and happiness are essential if you’re after good mental health. Be positive and allow yourself to focus on your goals and objectives. Relax and accept the good that you know you deserve.
What are your thoughts? Do you think you can do number 7 at least?
Image credit: Viktor via Compfight
