I do not know what the deal is with people who feel the need to make unsolicited comments/suggestions etc. to fat people about how they think we should live our lives, but my readers have told me about everything from strangers at restaurants making food suggestions to people trying to pray their fat away (something that I experienced all too recently.) Seriously. I wanted to write an open letter in case any of these people read this blog or in case such a thing would be helpful to some of my readers, and because I’m just irritated.
Dear Possibly Well-Meaning but Completely Misguided Person,
I’m not sure what led you to make your unsolicited comments to me about my health/weight/size/food choices etc. It’s not something that I would ever do and so I just don’t have any concept of how you could possibly think it is in any way appropriate. Let me assure you that it is not. I am not interested in your opinions or suggestions about me, my body, or my health, and the way you know that is that I didn’t ask for them. If I ever want your opinions or suggestions about me, my body, or my health, you may rest assured that you will be among the very first people to know.
There is no discussion to be had about who is right or wrong here. Not only can’t you tell anything about my health or behaviors by looking at me, even if you could those things are not a barometer for my worthiness and are absolutely not any of your business. I do not accept your authority when it comes to me or my body. l don’t owe you (either personally or as a member of society) anything when it comes to my body- I don’t owe you a certain body size, I don’t owe you any behaviors, I don’t owe you your, or anybody else’s, definition of health or healthy behaviors.
As I elaborated on in this post, the only thing that is required in order to have the right to demand basic human respect is a pulse. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not size, ability, or health dependent, nor are they dependent on looking or acting the way that someone wants you to look or act. In that sentence “someone” refers to you, oh person who makes unsolicited comments.
Let me state this as clearly as possible: I am not a poor sad fat girl waiting for you to come along and give me the words of wisdom/encouragement/shame that change my life. I love my life, and I loved it just a little more before you started giving suggestions about it and I’ll love it that much more once you stop, so how about we speed that process along. You are not the fatty whisperer. Back the hell off.
Like the blog? More Cool Stuff!
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Like my work? Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you. Click here for details
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com
A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development, you can follow the progress on Facebook!
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
